September 14, 2011

Open Adoption Roundtable #29

One of my favorite events at the BlogHer conference last month was Listen to Your Mother, an open mic style show where bloggers threw their names in a bowl for the chance to read their favorite blog posts.  Out loud. In front of people. Many, many people whom they had never met. Brave little bloggers, they were.

It was a blast for me as an audience member, not only hearing some great writing, but getting a tiny glimpse into the bloggers themselves. They had to pick one post from the whole of their blog and say this is the one I want to share with everyone. Not necessarily their most popular post or most influential post (although some of them probably were). But the one that meant something to them and that they felt represented them. Some were hilarious, some were poignant. They all made me feel like I learned something about the people reading them. As a bonus, I discovered some new blogs to read.

I thought it could be fun to do an open mic style roundtable. Our group is growing and a lot of us haven't "met" each other yet.  So point us to a favorite post on your blog. It doesn't even need to be about adoption. And tell us a little bit about why you picked the one you did. 

The Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It's designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don't need to be listed at Open Adoption Bloggers to participate or even be in a traditional open adoption. If you're thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table. The prompts are meant to be starting points--please feel free to adapt or expand on them.

Write a response at your blog--linking back here so your readers can browse other participating blogs--and link to your post in the comments here.


***

The responses:

Lavender Luz (adoptive parent) @ Write Mind Open Heart
Hotel Rwanda and Open Adoption Parenting: "Because in parenting, extraordinary can also mean extra + ordinary."

Racilous (first parent) @ Adoption in the City
I'm Just as Scared of You as You are of Me: "The reason this one is here is that 7 months down the line I can still learn from this post. I, having written it myself, so nothing I say in it should be that surprising, and yet it is."

Lori (adoptive parent) @ The Lyons' Din
Sister, Sister: "I think it truly tells the story of our adoption and what an open adoption can be."

Prabha (adoptive parent) @ Baby Steps to a Baby Dream
'Tis that Time of the Year: "This is my entry. I like this one because it is filled with so much hope. Shortly after this we flew out and found that the mother changed her mind. Yet, each time I read it, it reminds me how hopeful I was."

Lisa (pre-adoptive parent) @ Making Our Family Complete
Our First Pink Purchase for 'Our Baby': "Because it is the fun part of our adoption journey!"

Amy (adoptive parent) @ Beanie Baby Blog
Come Monday, It'll Be Alright: "Because I still can't believe how we went from feeling so low, to finally becoming parents!"

Lindsey Redfern (adoptive parent) @ The R House
Dealing With Online Negativity in Adoption: "I loved writing this post about how I deal with online negativity in adoption--specifically when negative things are written about my family. It was healing to see how far I have come and put into words a very specific thought process. This post cuts to my core."

Angie (adoptive parent) @ The Blessings of Adoption
Let's Talk About Trans Racial Adoption: "This is one of my most personal posts that I have written. "

Dana (pre-adoptive parent) @ Life Unexpected
My Sister Lives in Texas: "This is one of my favorite posts because is focuses on the impact of loss and adoption on my daughter. She is the reason we keep hoping and moving forward. She 'gets' open adoption and has such a deep understanding of unconditional love even at her young age. "

Amber (adoptive parent) @ Bumber's Bumblings
Open Adoption Roundtable guest Post: "Mine is actually my last open adoption roundtable post written as a guest post by our son's birthmom.

On Loan From Heaven (adoptive parent) @ On Loan From Heaven
What Not to Say: Part III: "I have done What Not To Say posts for quite a while on our adoption & infertility blog and I am always amazed by the women they 'speak' to. This is our most recent one but there are links to the others' as well.... Enjoy!"

Holly (first parent) @ Life, Love, Lanie
This is Perfect for When I Can't Sleep (note: music plays automatically): "I just recently started a blog about my open adoption journey. I am a birthmother as of this May 22, 2011. I only have about 5 posts to pick from! I guess this is my favorite so far."

Kelly (adoptive parent) @ From Empty Womb to Overflowing Heart
Let's Get "Real"!: "'How will you feel when your daughter knows who her "real" mom is?' Well, let me tell you..."

Amy (pre-adoptive parent) @ Jim and Amy Hoping to Adopt
Living in a Glass House--Being Open in Our Open Adoption Journey

MommySquared (adoptive parent) @ Our Journey to Parenthood and the Years That Follow
Thanks-giv-ing (thngks-gvng)

Rebecca Hawkes (adult adoptee and adoptive parent) @ Love Is Not a Pie
Love Is Not a Pie: "This was one of the first blog posts I ever wrote. I didn't even have my own blog yet; I posted it originally on BlogHer. When I did set up my own blog, I ended up using the title of this post as the title of the whole blog. It's still a favorite post of mine because it sums up so much about my philosophy ... about open adoption and life."

Jan (adoptive parent) @ Even Miracles Take Time
Adversity is like a strong wind: My blog since adopting only has a few posts so not much to choose from yet, but so far my fave would be Adversity is like a strong wind..."

Jay (adoptive parent) @ Two Women Blogging
In Which I Throw My Daughter to the Wolves: "My favorite post on my blog isn't about adoption, it's about the ridiculous women-can't-win expectations of our culture."

Kenna (adoptive parent) @ iWrite How iTalk
I am Changing, Less and Less Asleep: "My favorite post is when I finally kind of came to terms with my entire story up until that point. This was before we even knew we would be adopting. Just trying to get through life day by day. "

Josh (adoptive parent) @ Regular Midwesterners
Today's Adoption Update: "I share this post because I think it captures the uncertainty, the elasticity of expectations, and the loss that often come with all the good that adoption brings."

AmFam (adoptive parent) @ American Family
A and I Get Kicked Out of J. Crew: "Not so much adoption related, but I really enjoyed writing this post."

Lara (adoptive parent) @ Pocket Full of Prose
Going Toe-to-Toe with Pregnant Relatives: " My previous and current adoption journey have both coincided with a pregnant sister. I recently wrote about my feelings on this - the pain of infertility and being excited to adopt at the same time. This topic has touched a lot of people - I have gotten a lot of comments from strangers thanking me for talking about it."

Tracy (adoptive parent) @ My Minivan Rocks
Evolving Opinions on Open Adoption: "When we first adopted Zoe from Vietnam, birth parents were scary to us. What we have finally realized in the past few years is that adoption is not about US and what WE are comfortable with. Adoption is about our CHILDREN and what is best for THEM. We now believe that what is best for THEM is to have contact with their birthfamilies, or at least that they have the OPTION to have contact with their birthfamilies."

Danielle (first parent) @ Another Version of Mother
An Open Letter Regarding Abandonment: "I wrote this blog post recently in dealing with someone who didn't understand the process that goes into making a decision to become a birthparent."

Monika (first parent) @ Monika's Musings
Rant: "This one's my current favorite because it speaks to something that I've been dealing with a lot lately - adoption hatred from specific birth mothers who have had bad experiences trying to taint adoption as a whole."

Amy (pre-adoptive parent) @ Butterfly Kisses
Quilting Hope...Baby Blanket Style: "This post is about making a baby quilt ... a huge leap of faith for me during the wait."

Jodilee (adoptive parent) @ Simple Perfect Life
My Wish For You:"This should have been an easy one...just go through and find my favorite post. Whoa, time, life, and all of that kind of got in the way. I stumbled upon this post written while we were waiting for our second child. It reminded me so much of where we were, how far we have come, and how much further we have to go. Open adoption is an ever evolving process and I hope anyone involved in any situation continues to have hope and never gives up when things are not going as they thought they should be. This post made me cry--I'm sure there's another one I love more, but this was the start of my foundation. "

Jenna (first parent) @ The Chronicles of Munchkin Land
The Woman Upstairs: "There are many reasons why that post is my favorite, so I can’t narrow it down to just one. It remains my best piece of writing about the memories of my pregnancy, as I shut them down and push them aside so often. I let myself 'go there' for this particular post and the result was something that I was intensely proud of, though completely drained after writing it."

Mandy (adoptive parent) @ FourAgainstTwo.com
I Now Hate To Look at My Referral Pictures: "While my adoption wouldn't be a traditional open-adoption and my blog is not an adoption blog I am posting a favorite post of mine from when I blogged for adoption.com."

Sara (adoptive parent) @ Unofficial Mom
I See Her: "I chose this post because although it doesn't get into adoption all that deeply, it does summarize my feelings about it...my feelings about my little girl."

Red (first parent) @ One More Day
Moving On...?: "Here is the second post I ever wrote. I love it because I think it shows both the immediate pain after placement and the healing that occured after our first visit. I wanted to write about moving on because I dont know that it is truly possible for any birth mom."

Claudia (adoptive parent) @ My Fascinating Life
Mother's Milk: "This is the post I wrote - AGES ago- when I finally let go of caring that my babies weren't breastfed."

Geochick (adoptive parent) @ An Engineer Becomes a Mom
All About the Wait: "I chose this post because it's a summary of how I felt during our wait for a match and how I felt after bringing our baby home."

Kristin (adoptive parent) @ Parenthood Path
Accidents of Birth

Katelyn (first parent) @ My Angels from God
May 14, 2007 Placement (note: music plays automatically): "Because even I still need a reminder of why adoption is so emotional."

TTABaby (pre-adoptive parent) @ TTA Baby
Getting To Know You: "I felt free to talk about my fears. I think one of the reasons I'm often defensive and sensitive to adoption questions is because at times they get to my own fears as adoption for us is a complete unknown. I've heard parents say 'I wish my baby came with a manual' however at least they knew the approximate date of their babies arrival, and developed personality traits based on their babies activity in the womb. How much of that is projected onto the baby who knows but I'm terrified the baby is going to be placed in my arms and its not going to feel 'right.'"

Heather (adoptive parent) @ Production, Not Reproduction
Four Things: "It reminds me how much had changed in my perspective on adoption during the three years between walking into Adoption Agency #1's information meeting and the writing of that post--due in no small part to the stories and people I had found online."

37 comments:

Lavender Luz said...

http://writemindopenheart.com/2009/11/hotel-rwanda-and-open-adoption-parenting-2.html

Because in parenting, extraordinary can also mean extra + ordinary.

racilous said...

http://racilous.wordpress.com/2011/09/14/oar-29/

Here's mine...

The Lyons Din said...

I'd like to submit this one from The Lyons Din:

http://www.thelyonsdin.com/2011/06/sister-sister.html

I think it truly tells the story of our adoption and what an open adoption can be.

Prabha said...

This is my entry. I like this one because it is filled with so much hope. Shortly after this we flew out and found that the mother changed her mind. Yet, each time I read it, it reminds me how hopeful I was.

http://ammabyadoption.wordpress.com/2009/12/13/tis-that-time-of-the-year/

Making Our Family Complete said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Making Our Family Complete said...

My favorite post is http://makingourfamilycomplete.blogspot.com/2010/02/our-first-pink-purchase-for-our-baby.html because it is the fun part of our adoption journey!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lois and Ray
http://www.makingourfamilycomplete.com

Amy said...

Here's mine

http://amy-beaniebabyblog.blogspot.com/2011/03/ive-been-thinking-last-few-days-about.html

Because I still can't believe how we went from feeling so low, to finally becoming parents!

mrs. r said...

Lindsey Redfern (adoptive parent) @The R House:

I loved writing this post about how I deal with online negativity in adoption--specifically when negative things are written about my family. It was healing to see how far I have come and put into words a very specific thought process. This post cuts to my core.

http://www.therhouse.com/dealing-with-online-negativity-in-adoption/

Angie said...

This is one of my most personal posts that I have written.

http://www.theblessingsofadoption.com/2011/03/lets-talk-about-trans-racial-adoption.html

This one is another that I wrote that i really like :)

http://www.theblessingsofadoption.com/2011/07/infertility-im-over-it.html

Dana, Chris and Addison said...

This is one of my favorite posts because is focuses on the impact of loss and adoption on my daughter. She is the reason we keep hoping and moving forward. She "gets" open adoption and has such a deep understanding of unconditional love even at her young age.

Enjoy! http://lifeunexpected-adoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2011/03/my-sister-lives-in-texas.html

Bumber's Bumblings said...

Mine is actually my last open adoption roundtable post written as a guest post by our son's birthmom.

http://bumbersbumblings.blogspot.com/2011/07/open-adoption-roundtable-guest-post.html

It's still the most popular post on my blog.

On Loan From Heaven said...

I have done What Not To Say posts for quite a while on our adoption & infertility blog and I am always amazed by the women they 'speak' to. This is our most recent one but there are links to the others' as well.... Enjoy!

http://onloanfromheaven.blogspot.com/2011/07/what-not-to-say-part-iii.html

Holly-birthmother said...

I just recently started a blog about my open adoption journey. I am a birthmother as of this May 22, 2011. I only have about 5 posts to pick from! I guess this is my favorite so far:
http://mygapeach.wordpress.com/2011/09/11/this-is-perfect-for-when-i-cant-sleep/
Grateful for this open adoption community! Thanks for checking out my blog :).

Kelly said...

http://fromemptywombtooverflowingheart.blogspot.com/2011/09/lets-get-real.html

Let's get "real"!

"How will yo feel when your daughter knows who her "real" mom is?"

Well, let me tell you...

Jim and Amy Hoping to Adopt said...

Here is one of my favorites: "Living in a Glass House-Being Open in Our Open Adoption Journey"

http://jimandamyhopingtoadopt.blogspot.com/2011/04/living-in-glass-house-being-open-in-our.html

MommySquared said...

here's mine ....http://landtstauffer.blogspot.com/2009/11/thanksgiving-thngks-gvng.html

Rebecca Hawkes said...

Love Is Not A Pie: http://rebecca-hawkes.blogspot.com/2011/07/love-is-not-pie.html

This was one of the first blog posts I ever wrote. I didn't even have my own blog yet; I posted it originally on BlogHer. When I did set up my own blog, I ended up using the title of this post as the title of the whole blog. It's still a favorite post of mine because it sums up so much about my philosophy ... about open adoption and life.

miraclestaketime said...

My blog since adopting only has a few posts so not much to choose from yet, but so far my fave would be

Adversity is like a strong wind...

http://miraclestaketime.wordpress.com/2011/09/04/adversity-is-like-a-strong-wind-it-tears-away-from-us-all-but-the-things-that-cannot-be-torn-so-that-we-see-ourselves-as-we-really-are-arthur-golden-memoirs-of-a-geisha/

Jay said...

My favorite post on my blog isn't about adoption, it's about the ridiculous women-can't-win expectations of our culture.

http://twowomenblogging.blogspot.com/2007/05/in-which-i-throw-my-daughter-to-wolves.html

kenna said...

my favorite post is when i finally kind of came to terms with my entire story up until that point. this was before we even knew we would be adopting. just trying to get through life day by day.

http://www.myiwrite.com/2009/09/i-am-changing-less-and-less-asleep_23.html

regularmidwesterners.com said...

I share this post because I think it captures the uncertainty, the elasticity of expectations, and the loss that often come with all the good that adoption brings: http://regularmidwesterners.com/2011/03/03/todays-adoption-update/

American Family said...

Not so much adoption related, but I really enjoyed writing this post: A and I get kicked out of Jcrew

http://american-family.org/2005/04/23/a-i-get-kicked-out-of-jcrew/

Lara said...

My previous and current adoption journey have both coincided with a pregnant sister. I recently wrote about my feelings on this - the pain of infertility and being excited to adopt at the same time. This topic has touched a lot of people - I have gotten a lot of comments from strangers thanking me for talking about it.

It's called "Going Toe-to-Toe with Pregnant Relatives."

http://pocketfullofprose.blogspot.com/2011/09/going-toe-to-toe-with-pregnant.html

myminivanrocks said...

http://myminivanrocks.wordpress.com/2010/03/09/evolving-opinions-on-open-adoption/

When we first adopted Zoe from Vietnam, birth parents were scary to us. What we have finally realized in the past few years is that adoption is not about US and what WE are comfortable with. Adoption is about our CHILDREN and what is best for THEM. We now believe that what is best for THEM is to have contact with their birthfamilies, or at least that they have the OPTION to have contact with their birthfamilies.

anotherversionofmother.com said...

http://anotherversionofmother.com/2011/09/03/an-open-letter-regarding-abandonment/


I wrote this blog post recently in dealing with someone who didn't understand the process that goes into making a decision to become a birthparent.

Danielle

Monika said...

http://musingmonika.blogspot.com/2011/08/rant.html

This one's my current favorite because it speaks to something that I've been dealing with a lot lately - adoption hatred from specific birth mothers who have had bad experiences trying to taint adoption as a whole.

Amy said...

This post is about making a baby quilt ... a huge leap of faith for me during the wait. http://jasonandamyadopt.blogspot.com/2011/04/quilting-hope-baby-blanket-style.html

jodilee0123 said...

This should have been an easy one...just go through and find my favorite post. Whoa, time, life, and all of that kind of got in the way. I stumbled upon this post written while we were waiting for our second child. It reminded me so much of where we were, how far we have come, and how much further we have to go. Open adoption is an ever evolving process and I hope anyone involved in any situation continues to have hope and never gives up when things are not going as they thought they should be. This post made me cry--I'm sure there's another one I love more, but this was the start of my foundation. http://simpleperfectlife.blogspot.com/2008/05/my-wish-for-you.html

Jenna said...

Whew. Finally got this done. Thumbs up for the "easy" content this time. My brain is foggy with ick.

http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/2011/09/20/open-adoption-roundtable-20-open-mic/

I hope to be able to jump through others' posts sometime soon. Now back to bed!

Anonymous said...

While my adoption wouldn't be a traditional open-adoption and my blog is not an adoption blog I am posting a favorite post of mine from when I blogged for adoption.com

http://international.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/i-now-hate-to-look-at-my-referral-pictur


Mandy fouragainsttwo@gmail.com

My family blog is FourAgainstTwo.com

sara said...

My post is up...

http://unofficialmom.blogspot.com/2011/09/oar-29-favorite.html

Red said...

Here is the second post I ever wrote. I love it because I think it shows both the immediate pain after placement and the healing that occured after our first visit. I wanted to write about moving on because I dont know that it is truly possible for any birth mom.

http://onemoreday-adoption.blogspot.com/2011/06/moving-on.html

Claudia said...

If it's not too late:

http://my--fascinating--life.blogspot.com/2009/12/mothers-milk.html

This is the post I wrote - AGES ago- when I finally let go of caring that my babies weren't breastfed.

Anonymous said...

It's taken me a long time to get myself to sit down and go through my posts. Hopefully, I'm not too late!

I chose this post because it's a summary of how I felt during our wait for a match and how I felt after bringing our baby home.

- Geochick

http://geo-chick.blogspot.com/2011/08/all-about-wait-and-how-it-fades-from.html

Kristin said...

At last! Here's my choice: http://parenthoodpath.blogspot.com/2011/09/oar29-accidents-happen.html

Thanks again for being the hostess with the most-ess. I look forward to reading all of the other roundtable submissions!

Katelyn said...

because even I still need a reminder of why adoption is so emotional.
http://myangelsfromgod.blogspot.com/2010/09/may-14-2007-placement.html

TTABaby said...

My favorite post is one that was unexpected but true to my emotions and fears. Getting To Know You http://ttababy.blogspot.com/2011/09/getting-to-know-you.html
I felt free to talk about my fears. I think one of the reasons I'm often defensive and sensitive to adoption questions is because at times they get to my own fears as adoption for us is a complete unknown. I've heard parents say "I wish my baby came with a manual" however at least they knew the approximate date of their babies arrival, and developed personality traits based on their babies activity in the womb. How much of that is projected onto the baby who knows but I'm terrified the baby is going to be placed in my arms and its not going to feel "right."

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