December 10, 2008

Reading Between the Lines

When you say...
  • you don't think you should have to deal with birth parents after the adoption is done;
  • you're sometimes grateful your child was abandoned with no information, because that way it's like his history starts with you;
  • you don't believe in openness because it is uncomfortable;
  • that birth parents should be able move on with their lives, knowing that their child is loved and safe with you;
  • that speaking ill of your daughter's first parents has no effect on her, since they're not her family anymore;
  • you know your child is fine with her adoption because she never brings it up;
  • you never talk about adoption in your family because it's an event that's done and in the past
...what I hear is that you became a parent through adoption, but you don't really want to be an adoptive parent.

21 comments:

My name is Andy. said...

Funny, I hear the same thing!

Dawn said...

Word.

thanksgivingmom said...

I heart you.

Spot on.

Lavonne said...

Nicely said!

Clementine said...

Yikes.

Meg Weber Jeske said...

Right on!

Tammy said...

exactly.

malinda said...

NAILED IT!

spyderkl said...

Yes.

Julie said...

Abso-frikkin-lutely!

GreenEggsNHam said...

Love it!

abebech said...

Yep.

shanamadele said...

Amen!

Kristin said...

Wow...you nailed it.

Lori said...

The most concise set of reasons I've seen.

It's weird, though. An adult adoptee in my extended family espouses many of these reasons.

He thinks we are making a big mistake with our children.

Brilliant post, Heather. Bookmarking, Kirtsying and Stumbling.

Lori said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lori said...

Here's the Kirtsy link if anyone wants to "vote" for this post.

http://www.kirtsy.com/out.php?url=http%3A%2F%2Funproductivereproduction.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F12%2Freading-between-lines.html

Rick Fisk said...

I'm sure you hear this, but I'm not sure its a fair assessment.

Guera! said...

Insightful. I don't know if I agree with it all but it gave me something to think about.

Jess said...

Here through the Roundup and I SOOOO agree!

We're parents to a daughter through domestic open adoption and a son through IVF, 18 mo and 12 mo respectively, and we're PROUD to have a VERY open (once a month visits at least and contact between) adoption and truly....our daughter's first family is like our family now. And why the heck not? We promised to love and cherish her, and made her part of our family. They're pretty much INLAWS now, just like when you get married and promise to love and cherish your partner's family.

And of course! Because they're part of the person you love!!

Smiling said...

very well put!

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