Children's Books about Open Adoption

My apologies for two book list-y posts in the space of a week. But Dawn at Creating a Family asked for recommendations for open adoption books for kids. And you know I love to talk me some books!

There are actually several children's books out there which feature kids having ongoing contact with their first families. Of them, these three have won top prizes in my extensive in-home research (sample size: two).

	I love Megan's Birthday Tree. Megan's first mom has a tree at her house that she planted when Megan was born. She decorates every year for Megan's birthday and sends a photo. When she's about to move, Megan is worried that her birth mom will forget about her without the tree to remind her. It's a touching story that keeps Megan at its center and lets her have lots of different emotions. (Read my full review.)
	Pugnose Has Two Special Families doesn't really have a plot; it's more of an explanation of open adoption basics. Pugnose the mouse talks about how he came to be with his adoptive family and all the ways his birth parents are part of his life. It's sensitive and sweet. I appreciate that Pugnose's first dad is an active part of the story. (Read my full review.)
	Eddie pulled Rain or Shine out on his birthday eve last week to read before bed. A fitting choice, since it's all about a boy, Finn, whose adoptive and birth families celebrate his birthday together every year. There are also some small moments which acknowledge, from a kid's perspective, that first parents aren't always able to be present.  (Read my full review.)

Two others that I've been wanting to check out but haven't gotten my hands on yet:

	Nutmeg Gets a Letter is a book from the U.K. geared toward kids adopted from foster care. Nutmeg the squirrel is sad when his birth mom's letter for his birthday arrives late. I'm interested in seeing how it addresses dealing with disappointment (something Eddie is feeling keenly right now); it also talks about the value of peer support from friendships with other adopted children.
	Sam's Sister is the rare children's book that's told from the birth family's perspective. The main character is a little girl, Rosa, whose mom places her baby brother, Sam, for adoption. The story starts during the pregnancy and goes into a post-adoption visit between the families.

Have you read any of these? What did you think? What would you add to the list?

Review: "Did My First Mother Love Me?"

"Did My First Mother Love Me?: A Story for an Adopted Child" is written as a letter from a first mom to her daughter.

When little Morgan asks her adoptive mother the book's titular question, her mom pulls out a well-read letter from Morgan's first mom. (The book implies they're in a semi-closed adoption.) In the letter, Morgan's first mom lovingly describes how she bonded with, thought about, and talked to Morgan during her pregnancy. She explains her decision to plan an adoption as a wish for a better life for Morgan, citing her desire for such things as a two-parent household, house with a yard, and a family who could provide love and attention.

For me, I wished to be the one to give you all these wonderful things. Sadly, I knew this one wish would not come true. My dearest child, to your parents I have given the precious gift of you. And in my heart I know all my wishes for you have now come true.

The love Morgan's first mom has for her daughter is apparent throughout. The book closes with Morgan secure in the knowledge that both her moms care for her and that each validates the love of the other.

Morgan smiled as she snuggled in her mom's arms. "I'm glad my first mother loves me too," she said.

The book's simple language will be easily understood by young children. I appreciated the change from the ubiquitous "birth mother" in adoption literature. Morgan's first mom is sometimes called "her other mother" and Morgan calls her "my first mother." (We do use "birth mom" in our home, but also other terms.) I also liked finding a book written from a first mom's point of view and by a real-life first mom.

Two things give me pause, however. First, the description of the adopted child as a gift from the first mother to the adoptive family makes me uncomfortable, and is one we try to avoid in our family. Second, the first mom's experience and reasons for placing are very specific and, in many ways, represent an idealized placement experience. It plays into the common assumption that being single and a little less financially secure than the adoptive family are sufficient reasons to place in and of themselves. Particularly in a situations in which little or nothing is known about a child's placement/abandonment or which are more complicated, this book may not be appropriate.

Even in our family's situation, in which we know quite a bit about the reasons for our childrens' placements, I'd hesitate to add this book to our library. If one of their first parents gave it to us, I might feel differently. But it feels presumptuous for me, as an adoptive parent, to frame placement in such a detailed, glossy way.

Ages 4-8. The illustrations are done in black and white, but the characters all appear Caucasian. There is a short guide for adoptive parents on "Talking with Your Child About Adoption" in the back of the book.

(written by Kathryn Ann Miller, illustrated by Jami Moffet, Morning Glory Press, 1994)

Review: "Rain or Shine"

I had the chance to review a new children's book about open adoption for Open Adoption Support (thanks, Dawn!).

Commissioned by an open adoption agency, Rain or Shine tells the story of Finn, a young boy in an open adoption who looks forward to gathering with his extended family to celebrate his eighth birthday. The plotline focuses on how the family will salvage the party if it rains on the big day, but the real strength of the book lies in its depiction of a healthy open adoption.

There were several nice touches:

• Finn does not make sharp distinctions between his adoptive family and his birth family. The two are integrated together into a single extended family for him.

• Finn's grandmother on his birth mom’s side is an active participant in his life, reflecting the many open adoptions which involve multiple generations.

• Finn’s adoptive parents and his birth mom talk appreciatively and affectionately about one another. They acknowledge and affirm both the nature and nurture portions of Finn's identity, pointing out traits that come from each side of his family tree.

• Finn enjoys spending time alone with his birth mom and feels comfortable enough with her to tell her about his secret thumb-sucking, something he's previously only shared with his parents.

• It’s mentioned that Finn’s birth mom did not attend his seventh party because she was having “a hard time” that year. Finn also expresses a desire to have contact with his birth dad, who the family hasn't seen since Finn was an infant. I appreciated the subtle acknowledgment that open adoptions can be positive and fulfilling despite not being "perfect." These also create openings for parents (birth or adoptive) to talk with their children about adoption-related disappointments.

• I didn't mention this in the OAS review, but I loved that this book didn't include the usual "explanation for the adoption." You know, the one page in every kids' book about adoption that says something vague like, "My birth mom loved me but couldn't take care of a baby so she found a couple who could raise me." That sort of thing is obviously part of the background to our adoptions, but it's not part of the day-to-day of our relationships.
  

Puppy is still a little too young to get into the story, but he engaged with some of the fun details (a dinosaur puzzle, birthday pancakes). Sensitive and well-written, Rain or Shine is a welcome addition to the small but growing list of children’s books about open adoption. Hopefully its high price point will go down in the future so that even more families can enjoy it.

Probably for ages around 4-8. The characters are Caucasian and the adoptive parents are a heterosexual couple.

(written by Hilary Horder Hippely, illustrated by Margaret Godfrey, Xlibris Corporation, 2007)

Review: "You're Not My Real Mother!"

I should have known not to pick up a book titled "You're Not My Real Mother!". But having read some positive reviews, I expected a sensitive look at the complex topic of transracial adoption.

The book opens with a dark-haired, brown-skinned little girl examining her face in a mirror. With a concerned expression, she remarks, "You know, Mom, you're not my real mother." Her blonde, white mother responds, "What do you mean, my darling?" If only she had stopped there.

Instead, she insists, "Of course I'm your real mother!" and proceeds to make her case by reminding her daughter of all the things she does for her. ("Does a real mother let you put twenty bandages on a bruised knee when you really only need one?" "Does a real mother teach you how to tie your shoes?")

When her monologue finally ends, the girl is able to ask her actual question: "I know you love me, Mom. But why don't you look like me?" Where the book could have affirmed the "realness" of first parents, it instead briefly mentions her birth mom:

"I don't look like you because I'm not your birth mother."

"Who's that?"

"Your birth mother is the mother who gave birth to you. She started your life, and I am thankful to her every day for that."

"Why?"

"Because I get to watch you grow!"

(There is a very tender illustration of the birth mother embracing the little girl as baby.)

The little girl then launches into her own litany of the wonderful things her adoptive mom does. ("You jump with me on the trampoline!") The mother-daughter bond sufficiently affirmed, the book concludes with a declaration that she truly is the "REAL MOTHER" (emphasis not mine).

This book strikes me as created more to reassure an insecure adoptive parent than to address the concerns of an adopted child. Indeed, the author wrote it after a similar real-life conversation with her internationally adopted daughter. "Realness" can be a painful issue in adoption. The first time I hear those words from Puppy I am sure my heart will twist into a trillion pieces, regardless of the context. But juxtaposing "birth mother" with "real mother" only diminishes first parents and adoptive parents. I am Puppy's real mom through-and-through, but so is K. Though we have very different roles in his life, we are equally real. It is good to affirm the truth that familial bonds can be about more than biology, but it does not need to happen at the expense of children's first families.

This book sorely misses the mark. But perhaps it does have a purpose--as a primer on How Not to Discuss Adoption with Your Child. (Lesson #1: Ask questions, but don't wait for answers. Lesson #2: Launch into a knee-jerk monologue. Lesson #3: No need to explore what is behind their statements and questions. Just make the conversation all about you!)

Ages 4-8 years.

(written by Molly Friedrich, illustrated by Christy Hale; Little, Brown & Co., 2004)

Review: "Megan's Birthday Tree"

I brought "Megan's Birthday Tree: A Story About Open Adoption" home from the library several weeks ago and keep renewing it in order to have it around just a little bit longer. Puppy is still too young to enjoy it, but both T and I quickly labelled it our favorite open adoption book.

"Megan's Birthday Tree" is narrated by Megan, a young girl in an open adoption with her birth mother, Kendra. Kendra planted a tree when Megan was born, and each year on Megan's birthday Kendra decorates the growing tree and sends a picture to Megan. When Megan learns that Kendra is moving to a new city, she worries that Kendra will forget about her without the tree to remind her.

The story follows Megan as she searches for ways to replace Kendra's tree and ensure that she won't forget about her. It culminates with Megan sharing her fears with Kendra and being reassured of their bond:

At first Kendra looks confused. But then she wraps her arms around me and holds me close. "Oh, Megan, I don't need a tree or anything else to remember you! Even though we don't live together, you will always be a part of me."

And when I see the tears in Kendra's eyes, I know she really means it.

Some things T and I appreciated about "Megan's Birthday Tree":

• The book has an actual plot. Many adoption books focus on explaining adoption. It was refreshing to read a storyline about something other than the birth and/or placement. This is the first adoption book I've read in awhile in which I was actually interested in seeing how it ended.
• Megan has complex feelings about her adoption appropriate to her age. Furthermore, they are her own feelings and not just a reflection of what adults have told her about her adoption.
• The adoptive parents play a very supportive, but minor role. The story focuses on Megan and her relationship with Kendra. As an adoptive parent trying to create space for Puppy and his first parents to develop their own relationships, I appreciate seeing that modeled.

This is an excellent book for any family involved in an open adoption and could be reassuring for children in closed or semi-open adoptions, as well. (Not to say that it can't be enjoyed by non-adopted children, too!)

For children ages 4-8 years. The characters are Caucasian. Megan's first father is not mentioned.

(written by Laurie Lears, illustrated by Bill Farnsworth, Albert Whitman & Co., 2005)

"The Family Book"

I'm a sucker for most any book by author/illustrator Todd Parr. His brightly colored bold-line illustrations make me smile. When combined with his underlying messages of respect and inclusion, the result is fantastic books for our modern kids.

"The Family Book" is not a book about adoption, but one I consider adoption-friendly. Using simple language, it describes many possible ways to be a family. Interracial, single-parent, step-parent, adoptive, and same-sex parent families are all represented, along with more basic descriptors ("Some families like to be quiet. Some families like to be noisy."). Interspersed throughout are reminders that there are certain things which describe all families ("They are sad when they lose someone they love").

Children will find many different pages which apply to their own family. Regardless of what political/social/religious/moral debates adults want to have about various family structures, all children deserve to have their unique family life validated and respected. This book does a wonderful job of doing just that.

Parr has a book specifically about adoption titled "We Belong Together" set to be released in November 2007. I'm looking forward to seeing his treatment of the topic.

(written & illustrated by Todd Parr; Little, Brown & Company, 2003)

About the Book Reviews

I'm not a writer, editor, publisher, journalist, book seller or librarian (although my dad is--hooray for librarians!). I'm just someone who loves books and loves to read with my kid. I also believe in the power of books to affect our foundational beliefs.

I enjoy having A Project, so I've been compiling a list of children's books on adoption that I would like to check out. I usually borrow them from our local library or peruse them at bookstores. Ones I particularly like I purchase for our home library. As long as I was reading them, I thought I might write down my thoughts here. I appreciate reading reviews when I know a bit about the reviewer, particularly in regards to books on adoption. So perhaps someone else might find these helpful one day.

We keep the books on adoption mixed in with the rest of our children's books. We view it as one of the ways we make adoption a normal topic of conversation for our son. We don't Talk About Adoption everytime we read them together, but I sometimes add a little commentary connecting the story to his own. He is still too young to give me any feedback on a book's content, but he does let me know when he appreciates the illustrations.

My philosophy on adoption books is that our collection as a whole should touch on each side of the triad and the various aspects of adoption, not each individual book. I am fine with books that don't exactly match our own family's story or incorporate some language we might not use. I am not okay with books which demean first parents and/or countries of origin, unduly romanticize adoption, or perpetuate adoption myths.

There are many good lists of children's books on adoption on the Internet. Here are a few:
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/books.php?cat=8
http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/books/index.html
http://mamagigi.wordpress.com/kids-adoption-books/

Below is my own in-process list of adoption-related books for children, sorted into the following categories (some books are listed in more than one category):

• Adoption-friendly
• Domestic adoption
• Foster care & adoption
• General/non-fiction
• Infant adoption
• International adoption
• Open adoption
• Siblings & adoption
• Single parents & adoption
• Transracial adoption

Reviews are linked Y = recommeded x = not recommended

Adoption-friendly
Contemplating Your Belly Button (Jun Nanao)
The Family Book (Todd Parr) Y
It's Okay to Be Different (Todd Parr)

Domestic Adoption
Did My First Mother Love Me? (Kathryn Ann Miller)
How I Was Adopted (Joanna Cole)
My Adopted Child, There's No One Like You (Kevin Leman)
Susan and Gordon Adopt a Baby (Judy Freudberg)
The Day We Met You (Phoebe Koehler)
Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born (Jamie Lee Curtis)
We Became a Family (Wayne Willis)

Foster Care & Adoption
Families Change: A Book for Children Experiencing Termination of Parental Rights (Julie Nelson)
Finding the Right Spot: When Kids Can't Live With Their Parents (Janice Levy)
The Great Gilly Hopkins (Katherine Paterson)
Grover G. Graham and Me (Mary Quattlebaum)
My Alternate Life (Lee Tobin McClain)
Parents Wanted (George Harrar)
Zachary's New Home: A Story for Foster and Adopted Children (Geraldine & Paul Blomquist)

General/Non-fiction
"A" is for Adopted (Eileen Tucker Cosby)
All About Adoption (Marc Nemiroff & Jane Annuziata)
All About Me (Lynn Burwash)
Happy Adoption Day (John McCutcheon)
The Kingfisher Book of Family Poems (collection)
Let's Talk About It: Adoption (Fred Rodgers)
Look Who's Adopted! (Michael S. Taheri)
We Belong Together (Todd Parr)
What Is Adoption? (Sofie Stergianis & Rita McDowall)

Infant Adoption
Did My First Mother Love Me? (Kathryn Ann Miller)
The Day We Met You (Phoebe Koehler)
How I Was Adopted (Joanna Cole)
I Bet She Called Me Sugar Plum (Joanne Gabbin)
Mulberry Bird (Ann Fraff Brodzinsky)
Never Never Never Will She Stop Loving You (Jolene Durrant)
Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born (Jamie Lee Curtis)
This is How We Became a Family (Wayne Willis)
The Tummy Mummy (Michelle Madrid-Branch)
We Wanted You (Liz Rosenberg)
Welcome Home Little Baby (Lisa Harper)

International Adoption
At Home in This World: A China Adoption Story (Jean MacLeod)
The Best Single Mom in the World: How I Was Adopted (Mary Zisk)
Bringing Asha Home (Uma Krishnaswami) India
Chinese Eyes (Marjorie Ann Waybill) China
The Coffee Can Kid (Jan Czech) unspecified Asian country
Every Year on Your Birthday (Rose A. Lewis) China
Felicia's Favorite Story (Leslea Newman) Guatemala
Finding Joy (Marion Coste)
Heart of Mine (Dan Hojer) unspecified Asian country
I Don't Have Your Eyes (Carrie A. Kitze)
I Love You Like Crazy Cakes (Rose Lewis)
I Wish for You a Beautiful Life: Letters from the Korean Birth Mothers of Ae Ran Won to Their Children (collection)
Jin Woo (Eve Bunting)
Just Add One Chinese Sister (Patricia McMahon) China
Kids Like Me in China (Ying Ying Fry) China
Lucy's Family Tree (Karen Halvorsen Schreck)
The Lucky Gourd Shop (Joanna C. Scott)
Mommy Far, Mommy Near: An Adoption Story (Carol Antionette Peacock)
Monsoon Summer (Mitali Perkins)
Motherbridge of Love (Josee Masse) China
My Mei Mei (Ed Young) China
A New Barker in the House (Tomie de Paola)
Nikolai, the Only Bear (Barbara Joosse) Russia
Our Baby from China: An Adoption Story (Nancy D'Antonio)
Over the Moon: An Adoption Tale (Karen Katz)
Pablo's Tree (Pat Mora) Mexico
A Quilt of Wishes (Teresa Werner)
Rain Forest Girl: More Than an Adoption Story (Chalise Miner)
Rebecca's Journey Home (Brynn Olenberg Sugarman)
The Red Blanket (Eliza Thomas) China
Seeds of Love (Mary E. Petertyl)
Shaoey and Dot (Marybeth & Steven Chapman) China
Sister for Matthew (Pamela Kennedy)
Sisters (Judith Caseley)
Somebody's Daughter (Marie Myung-Ok Lee)
Ten Days and Nine Nights (Yumi Heo) Korea
Three Names of Me (Mary Cummings)
Through Moon & Stars & Night Skies (Ann Turner) Southeast Asia
Waiting for May (Janel Morgan Stoeke) China
We Adopted You, Benjamin Koo (Linda Walvoord Girard)
When I Met You: A Story of Russian Adoption (Adrienne Ehlert Bashista) Russia
The White Swan Express (Jean Davies Okimoto & Elaine M. Aoki) China

Open Adoption
Megan's Birthday Tree (Laurie Lears) Y
Nutmeg Gets a Letter (Judith Foxon)
Pugnose Has Two Special Families (Karis Kruzel)
Rain or Shine (Hilary Horder Hippely)
Sam's Sister (Juliet C. Bond)

Siblings & Adoption
Boat in the Tree (Tim Wynne Jones)
Emma's Strange Pet (Jean Little)
Emma's Yucky Brother (Jean Little)
How I Became a Big Brother (Dave Moore)
Jin Woo (Eve Bunting)
Just Add One Chinese Sister (Patricia McMahon)
My Mei Mei (Ed Young)
A New Barker in the House (Tomie de Paola)
Nutmeg Gets a Little Sister (Judith Foxon)
Rebecca's Journey Home (Brynn Olenberg Sugarman)
Sam's Sister (Juliet C. Bond) birth sibling in an open adoption
The Sea Chest (Toni Bezzeo)
Seeds of Love (Mary E. Petertyl)
Sister for Matthew (Pamela Kennedy)
Sisters (Judith Caseley)
Ten Days and Nine Nights (Yumi Heo)
Waiting for May (Janel Morgan Stoeke)

Single Parents & Adoption
The Best Single Mom in the World: How I Was Adopted (Mary Zisk)
The Red Blanket (Eliza Thomas)

Transracial Adoption
Allison (Allen Say)
Brown Like Me (Noelle Lamperti)
David's Father (Robert M. Munsch)
Families are Different (Nina Pellegrini)
Horace (Holly Keller)
In My Heart (Molly Bang)
Is That Your Sister? (Catherine & Sherry Bunin)
The Lamb-a-Roo (Diana Kimpton)
The Little Green Goose (Adele Sansone)
Little Miss Spider (David Kirk)
A Mother for Choco (Keiko Kasza) Y
Mrs. Hen's Big Surprise (Christel Desmoinaux)
Red in the Flower Bed (Andrea Nepa)
Rosie's Family: An Adoption Story (Lori Rosove)
We Wanted You (Liz Rosenberg)
Welcome Home Little Baby (Lisa Harper)
You're Not My Real Mother! (Molly Friedrich) x

Uncategorized
Adoption is for Always (Linda Walvoord Girard)
Carolyn's Story: A Book About an Adopted Girl (Perry Schwartz)
Families are Forever (Craig Shemin)
Forever Fingerprints: An Amazing Discovery for Adopted Children (Sherri Eldridge)
Giant Jack (Birte Muller)
Guji Guji (Chih-Yuan Chen)
Is That Your Sister?: A True Story of Adoption (Catherine Bunin)
A Koala for Katie (Jonathan London)
Little Lost Bat (Sandra Markle)
Max and the Adoption Day Party (Adria F. Klein)
Molly's Family (Nancy Garden)
My Family is Forever (Nancy Carlson)
My New Family: A First Look at Adoption (Pat Thomas)
One Wonderful You (Francie Portnoy)
Our Twitchy (Kes Gray)
Place In My Heart (Mary Grossnickle)
This is the Day! (Phillis Gershator)
Twice-Upon-a-Time: Born and Adopted (Eleanora Patterson)
We See the Moon (Carrie A. Kitze)
Welcome Home, Forever Child (Christine Mitchell)

Recommendations and suggestions are always welcome!

"Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born"

"Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born" is one of the better known children's adoption books. It was written by actress Jamie Lee Curtis, an adoptive mother of two children (I believe through domestic adoption).

A little girl asks her parents to tell her once again about the night they became a family. It is clearly a story she delights to hear, and she knows every detail of her parents getting the phone call, journeying to the hospital, and lovingly bringing her home. There are many personal touches, from the mother singing the same lullaby her mother sang to her to the parents glaring at anyone who sneezes near the baby. The watercolor illustrations are full of whimsical details which reward parents reading through the book for the 163rd time. It's a sweet little book, and I can see why it is popular among adoptive families.

There is one page, however, which made me pause. The girl asks, "Tell me again how you couldn't grow a baby in your tummy, so another woman who was too young to take care of me was growing me and she would be my birth mother, and you would adopt me and be my parents." I haven't been able to put my finger on precisely why it doesn't sit right with me, but I think it has to do with the context:

• Although they are in the hospital where, presumably, the child's first mom is recovering from childbirth, this is the only inclusion of her in the story. There is no mention of meeting her or interacting with her. The adoptive parents meet the baby in a nursery.
• The illustration shows the girl's birth parents grafted on to her adoptive family tree, instead of showing that adopted children have two family trees.
• The wording unintentionally makes a direct connection between the adoptive mom's infertility and the other mother's pregnancy. Drop the phrase about the first mom being young, and it's almost a description of gestational surrogacy.

It may just be me being nit-picky, but this brief mention of the girl's birth mother brings up more issues than it solves for me. It's not enough for me to put it on a "not recommended" list, but it wouldn't be my first choice of gifts for an adoptive family.

The age range is 4-8 years, although I think kids younger than 4 could enjoy it. The child and adoptive parents are all Caucasian.

(written by Jamie Lee Curtis, illustrated by Laura Cornell, HarperTrophy, 1996)

"A Mother for Choco"

"A Mother for Choco" never once mentions adoption, yet manages to make a nice statement about adoptive families.

Choco is a little bird living alone who sets off one day to find a mother. He visits a giraffe, penguin, and walrus, all of whom tell him that they cannot be his mother because they do not look just like him. When he then meets Mrs. Bear, he is sure she could not be his mother. He begins to cry and Mrs. Bear rushes to comfort him.

As she listened to Choco's story, she sighed. "Oh dear. If you
had a mommy, what would she do?"

"Oh, I'm sure she would hold me," sobbed Choco.

"Like this?" asked Mrs. Bear. And she held Choco very
tight.

After more such exchanges, Mrs. Bear suggests that perhaps she could become Choco's mother. When Choco points out that she looks nothing like him, Mrs. Bear laughs that she would look quite silly with yellow feathers, wings, and striped feet. Choco agrees and goes home with Mrs. Bear to meet her other children: an alligator, hippopotamus, and pig. The story ends with Mrs. Bear hugging all her children and Choco happy that "his new mommy looked just the way she did."

Choco's story communicates one of the important messages for adopted children who don't look like other members of their adoptive family (because of transracial/transcultural adoption or just having different coloring or features). I think it is important for children in those situations to be around people who are like them and to have those connections affirmed. They also need to hear that families are not only about shared features, but also about love and commitment.

This book is a nice counterpoint to the ubiquitous "Are You My Mother?" by P.D. Eastman and I think would be great for any kid, adopted or not. It is a parable about the bond between adoptive parents and their children, so there is no explanation of why Choco was living all alone. I did not see anything demeaning toward families of origin in it. The age range is 2-6 years and the pictures are bright and cheerful.

(written & illustrated by Keiko Kasza, Puffin Books, 1992)

"Pugnose Has Two Special Families"

"Pugnose Has Two Special Families" isn't the slickest children's book about adoption you'll ever see. It's bound with staples, needs a bit of editing, and sometimes tells when it could show. But I absolutely love having it in our home library for several reasons.

First, the main character is an adopted mouse who has ongoing contact with his birthparents. "I have two families--my birthfamily and my adoptive family," he says. "When we are all together, it seems like one big family." Children's books that mirror the openness of many domestic adoptions are not easy to find. It is nice to see it reflected here.

Second, the birthparents are actual characters in the story. Sometimes first parents are mentioned in children's books, but not included in the illustrations. Pugnose's first parents are shown several times, both before and after his birth. We see them with interacting with Pugnose and he talks about traits he shares with them. Even more unusually, the birthfather character is included. Since Puppy's first dad is part of his life, it's nice for us to have a book which includes a birthfather.

Third, it acknowledges that Pugnose had a history prior to his adoption. So many adoption books for kids begin at the point of placement and make it seem as if their adoption was a forgone conclusion from the moment of their conception. Pugnose's birthmom tells him stories about when he was growing inside her and how much she loved him. He tells us, "She thought about trying to be my mama herself, and she thought about adoption, too. She finally chose open adoption so she could see me as I was growing up."

Finally, it touches on the sorrow that accompanies adoption. Everyone is happy Pugnose has been born, but also sad. His birthparents are sad they are not ready to parent him and because they will miss him. His adoptive family is sad because they know his birthfamily is hurting. It's a good example of how sadness can be acknowledged even in what is overall a positive presentation of adoption.

I've seen this book listed for ages ranging from 4-10. I'd probably bump that range down a few years to 2-8. It's still a little wordy for Puppy right now (at 1 1/2), but he enjoys the colorful pictures. As in every adoption book, not all the details will apply to every family's situation (for instance, there is an adoption agency involved), but the general outline of the story will likely fit most domestic open adoptions.

(written & illustrated by Karis Kruzel, R-Squared Press, 1996)

"The Day We Met You"

"The Day We Met You" was one of the first adoption books for children that I bought as we were going through the adoption process. Its simple words were ones I read to Puppy as we rocked in the twilight during his earliest days home.

"The sun shone bright the day we met you," begins the story. The adoptive parents, having received a phone call saying they would be the child's parents, prepare their home for the baby's arrival. Diapers and bottles are procured; friends and family bring blankets and toys. Flowers and a mobile brighten the nursery. Everything finally ready, the adoptive couple meets their child for the first time. The closing lines brought me to tears as I spoke them to my newborn son: "The minute we saw you, we knew that we loved you. You felt like the sun shining inside us."

Preparations like the ones described in the story were powerful symbols for me in the weeks leading up to Puppy's birth. While the child who might become our son was being loved and cared for by his first mother, we were preparing our home. Unable to touch a swollen belly to prove he was real, I folded and refolded clothes, smoothed craddle sheets, stacked diapers and thought about him. Each item I touched became a tailsman of hope.

The book is clearly not a comprehensive look at adoption. It makes no acknowledgement of birthfamilies or the infant's life prior to the adoptive parents' arrival. I do think that the piece it does touch on (i.e. the adoptive parents' loving preparations and excitement) it does well. (It's my personal philosophy that our library as a whole should bear the burden of touching on all sides of the adoption story, not each individual book.) It is a very simple picture book, with only a handful of words on each page. The age range is listed as 2-5, but I think it is a better fit for the board-book years. Puppy's attention span is just right for it now and it's been a favorite over the past year. The story is vague enough to apply to most domestic infant adoptions. The adoptive parents and the child are all Caucasian.

(written & illustrated by Phoebe Koehler, Aladdin Picture Books, 1990)