January 04, 2011

Open Adoption Roundtable #22

The Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It's designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don't need to be listed at Open Adoption Bloggers to participate or even be in a traditional open adoption. If you're thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table. The prompts are meant to be starting points--please feel free to adapt or expand on them.

Write a response at your blog--linking to http://www.productionnotreproduction.com/2011/01/open-adoption-roundtable-22.html so your readers can browse other participating blogs--and link to your post in the comments here. Using a previously published post is perfectly fine; I'd appreciate it if you'd add a link back to the roundtable. If you don't blog, you can always leave your thoughts directly in the comments.

One year ago many of us answered the question, "How will you be proactive in the area of open adoption in 2010?"

If you participated in the January 2010 discussion, revisit your post and give us the one-year-later update.

And whether or not you participated last year, tell us about your open adoption hopes or commitments in 2011.

The responses:

Lady Stape (adoptive parent) at Stape's House: "So what does this mean for 2011? I want to focus my adoption conversations around openness and how important it is for everyone involved. There are so many myths about what adoption is like and what openness means. So pay attention in 2011. We are going to be 'opening' it up around here and learning more about what that means."

Cat (adoptive parent) at Cat's Litterbox: "This year, 2011, will be the year that Gus turns one. We will go to the mitten in May or June and he will see his birth parents for the first time since May 12th, and they will be amazed at how much he's grown and changed. They will smile, and laugh, and maybe even cry when they see just how beautiful he is, and how much joy he brings. And I will smile, laugh, and cry because they have shared this little person with me, and brought him into my heart."

Christi (adoptive parent) at Anxiously Awaiting: Looking back at a year which included a newly adopted daughter and finding her own adult sister who was placed for adoption years ago; looking ahead to a year of giving back to the adoption community.

Jane (adopted adult) at Adoption of Jane: "My hopes and commitments for Open adoption is to visit and volunteer at Orphanages during my trip home this year. I am hoping that my research now will allow me to speak to the correct officials in my homeland. I want to encourage policies be put into place allowing Adoptive Parents to bring adopted children back to visit without fearing for their safety."

Andy (adopted adult and adoptive parent) at Today's the Day!: Andy shares why she ended up doing the exact opposite of the two adoption-related resolutions she made last year.

Rachel (first parent) at The Great Wide Open: "It's hard being a mother. It's hard raising a child, but it's also hard to be completely, utterly, whole heartedly in love with your child that someone else is holding in their arms. At the same time, it's so easy to love him, and it's so easy to love the arms that are holding him, cherishing him, protecting him, and receiving so much joy in return from him. No decision I could have made would have been easy, and I suspect it's the same for many women who find themselves in an unplanned pregnancy. I just want more people to know about the joys that an open adoption can bring."

Spyderkl (adoptive parent) at Evil Mommy: "Letting go isn’t such a bad thing, really."

Cindy (first parent): "So it's not so much that I am proactive, I am predictable and expect my sons adoptive parents to be the same way."

Thanksgivingmom (first parent) at I Should Really Be Working: "My last resolution was to not be fine with being fine. If anything, I did the opposite here. Instead of speaking my mind and pushing back when things weren’t fine, I just accepted that it is what it is – and that has to be fine."

Kierstin (adoptive parent) at Our Family Building Adventure: Just two months into open adoption, Kierstin makes plans to share, read and blog in 2011

Susiebook (first parent) at Endure for a Night: "Heaven knows my hopes of a year ago are no longer steering my approach to the adoption—I’m more cynical and less hopeful."

Racilous (first parent) at Adoption in the City: Hoping and working toward family, familiarity, frequent visits and friendship in 2011.

A Life Being Lived (first parent) at Carrying a Cat by the Tail: An ambitious and thoughtful set of goals for 2011

Robyn C (adoptive parent) at The Chittister Family: "In 2011, I’m just going to keep trying to work on what I was working on in 2010. I really want to find a way to communicate with S and help her kids. I want to find an agency that supports all of the people in the adoption process, without discrimination or degradation. And of course, I want to learn more so I can be a better (adoptive) parent."

A (adoptive parent) at Not a Visitor: "As for hopes and commitments in 2011 - there is one big one on the table in addition to these. This is the year we'll decide about an A+A baby #2. If we do begin another adoption in the next year it will add a layer of complexity to our family dynamic and we will once again be hoping for openness."

Meghann (adoptive parent) at A Different Kind of Family: "Thinking about it now, I think the real reason for my massive suckitude is simply this: Fear. Fear of calling too often, or not often enough, or at a bad time. Fear of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. Fear of pushing too hard, or not pushing hard enough. Fear of not being the perfect adoptive parent, the perfect 'partner'—for lack of a better term—in our OA relationship."


Stapes House said...

So excited to participate in my first roundtable. http://www.stapeshouse.com/2011/01/adoption-roundtable.html

Cat's Litterbox said...

I'm excited to participate in this roundtable!!!

Unknown said...

Very excited to participate. This is such a wonderful topic to start the year with.
My Adoption Hopes & Commitment In 2011

Adoption of Jane said...

Here is my Roundtable reply: http://knottyawetizmmama.blogspot.com/2011/01/open-adoption-roundtable-22.html

Andy said...

Here's mine! http://todaysthedaytheygivebabiesaway.blogspot.com/2011/01/open-adoption-roundtable-22.html

Rachel said...

Thank you for encouraging discussion! As a fairly new birth mother, I can not imagine not being proactive in being in my son's life (even though I live on the other side of the planet), so I discussed the question in a more broad sense; in encouraging openness in adoption in general to anyone who is thinking about making adoption a part of their lives.

spyderkl said...

I think I trashed my post from last year in a depression-fueled frenzy. But here's the follow-up anyway:

Cindy said...

As a first mom being 'proactive' would spell disaster. Although, I do keep up a Facebook 'presence' through small little comments and those inane 'pokes'.
Personally, it scares and also comforts me to know that my placed son first father IS actually proactive about the openness, and he draws in 'in the loop'. So really, I don't have to do anything but be 'available' for my placed sons adoptive family.
I do worry that my sons first father is going to offend our sons adoptive parents with his forwardness.
Honestly, if he weren't there to ask, ask, ask, the way that he does, I would use the past as an excuse to expect contact and ask for it at the same time as they offered the previous times.
So it's not so much that I am proactive, I am predictable and expect my sons adoptive parents to be the same way.
Hey, if you got something, several times, in the same way, at the same time more than a few times, wouldn't you expect to get that same thing again?
I'm confusing, sorry...

Anonymous said...

Finally back :)


Kierstin said...

Here is mine!!

Anonymous said...

I'm all in! http://susiebook.wordpress.com/2011/01/06/oart-22/

Anonymous said...

Finally finished mine

A Life Being Lived said...


Anonymous said...

I finally got around to it:

I chose to leave AdoptionBlogs, so I'm at my own personal blog now. I can be Robyn C or rredhead or chittisterchildren, whatever you'd like.

Alissabeth said...

I'm afraid I'm late - but here it is:


Anonymous said...

late to the party, as usual, but I'm here: http://meghann.wordpress.com/2011/01/13/oar-22-wow-i-really-sucked-at-this-last-year/

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