May 03, 2010


The adoptive parent's dilemma:
The thing is, adopting a child means accepting a new burden into your life, but that burden is more than the child. Adoptive parents must accept ethical burdens as well. Adoptive parents must accept that by adopting their child, they are likely contributing to the same system that damaged their child. And there’s just no way around that. A TRA mother I worked with once put it this way: to become the parent your child deserves, you have to come to realize that in the world you want to raise your child in, and the world you must now work to create, you would never have been their parent.
-From Harriet at Fugitivus, in a follow-up to an incredibly insightful post on adoption

(Try not to get hung up on "burden" and "damaged." Not that they're words I'm fond of applying to people--especially children and especially especially adopted children--but this was originally in the context of the Torry Hansen Russian adoption disruption brouhaha. The point it's making about our ethical responsibilities and our collective culpability in the hydra that is modern adoption is worth chewing on.)


Lavonne said...

great quote. lots to think and ponder on in there. and so, so true i think. many times as i have spoken about the need for reform, i become a bit perplexed by the whole idea that i contributed to the system the way it is. it's all really too complicating!

SustainableFamilies said...

agreed, great quote!

Ellen said...

Just wanted to delurk and say thanks for the link. As someone thinking about adoption, I have been trying to make sense of the huge disparity between the ducks and bunnies view of adoption and the reality obviously felt by adoptees. Excellent food for thought.

Anonymous said...

If the corrupt adoption industry did not have customers, it would cease to exist.

If you fund something that is morally and ethically wrong, then you are participating in the crime yourself.

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