May 08, 2010

Dear Friends

Puppy and Firefly's little craft projects are speeding their way to Kelly and Beth for Mother's Day. Puppy has drawn around 47 pictures to "surprise" me with tomorrow. I suspect they're mostly of dragons.

It's all very sweet.

The efforts of adorable children aside, I could drop Mother's Day off the calendar without much pause. I don't begrudge anyone else their celebration. But Mother's/Father's Day (and Valentine's Day, for that matter) draw such distinctions between insider and outsider the way we observe them. And I spent enough time on the outside of both--and have enough people I care about still there--to not be convinced that the sadness the days bring up for so many is really worth it when it's all said and done.

To those who are missing their children today; to those whose own mothers are absent in body or spirit; to those still waiting and hoping for a child to raise; to those who let go of their mothering dreams: I hope you know that you are just important and just as worthy of celebration as anyone on the "inside" this weekend. May we all be filled with peace in the present and hope for the future.

17 comments:

luna said...

lovely, heather. couldn't agree more.

Tammy said...

Yes. I feel exactly the same way.

wishing you peace.

A said...

♥ very well said.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post. As someone who is still "outside" Mother's Day can be difficult. Even though I just found out we're headed to an early miscarriage, I plan to celebrate the mothers in my life and be thankful that I still have them!

Jess said...

That was beautifully written! I feel exactly the same way!

Megan said...

Yep, I'm with you. For me, Mother's Day hurt quite a bit when I was struggling mightily to become a mother. Now that I am a mother, I'm just fine to let it be just another day. My mother honored me with not getting me a card, which is awesomely considerate because I don't like cards, but she does, so she did it for me. :)

Anonymous said...

Thank you.

Prabha said...

Thank you for saying so beautifully what I would have wanted to say but lack the skills to put it across so well. Happy Mother's day!

PFM said...

thank you for this post. I wrote something similar. But I like your description better.

Anonymous said...

well said. a manufactured "holiday" designed to sell more cards... don't need it.

Jamie said...

beautiful and so very very true.....

Aarthi said...

thanks! your post brought a smile to my face :)

Anjolcake said...

I remember being on the outside and it was very painful-thank you for being sensitive to that.

cindy psbm said...

I totally agree with you. Honestly, these kinds of holidays can go either way.
Personally I think it depends on your attitude. Even though I do not parent my son, I feel proud to be a 'mom' even if it only means being 'available' when his adoptive family might need me to express my mother-love.
Sometimes, I don't mind being on the 'outside' of things because it offers a POV that I can learn things from. Also, sometimes, being on the 'inside' can be very stressful with the efforts to be as good or better than the others that are 'in' with you.
Mothers Day is not supposed to be this one event a year, but a reminder to honor women that mean so much to every single person. Whether it is postive or negative is really up to me, as I see it.
I am at peace with not parenting, I love to honor my own mother, even though she is far from perfect.
Thank you for you kind words.
It's heart-warming to know that you think of the 'outsiders' when you are an 'insider'.

cynthia said...

Thanks for putting this into words, Heather. So well said.

Kristin said...

So smart and thoughtful. Thank you!

Susan said...

My mom died nearly two years ago, and I've also be trying to conceive for three years. I just found this post while reading your archives. Thank you.

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...