January 06, 2010

This One is For Mama2roo, Megan and Rebecca

So a few of my bloggy friends requested details of The Brush Incident. It more or less boils down to: I am a giant dork. With the hair-styling aptitude of a five-year old.

I fear I exaggerated a bit. It was only in my hair for six hours. The last hour was spent trying to work the resultant knot out of my hair. But, really, I should start at the beginning, such as it is.

It begins with dashing in to a drug store on the way out of town to replace a broken brush. Can't find an exact replacement, but one round brush is like another, yes? (No.)

While wriggling the brush free of its little plastic holder, I notice that the back tells you not to wind the hair more than 3/4 of the way around the brush, to prevent tangling. Pffft, think I, dismissing it as the equivalent of the "Contents are HOT" warning on coffee cups. Proceed to wind up a good size section of hair all the way from ends to roots (in the front of my head, of course) while drying my hair.

And then it was stuck. Just like that. As if encased in cement. Would. Not. Budge.

The next six hours are a bit of a blur, mostly of me doing everything I could think of to try and set the brush free, first in the hotel room until check-out forced us out, then in the car and parking lot as we searched for manicure scissors in ridiculously tiny coastal towns, and finally on the ride home. There were furtive dashes across parking lots with my hood pulled up to (unsuccessfully) hide the brush dangling charmingly along the side of my face. An bristle-ectomy that I abruptly aborted when I freaked out over little 2-inch sections of hair that were cut off along with some bristles (ah, if only I knew what was coming). I managed to work it a few inches down my hair over all that time, just enough to keep me believing that I would somehow be able to work it all the way free.

We had recently watched Julie & Julia* and I kept thinking that Julia Child would have laughed heartily at herself and chopped off the hair with a pair of (exquisite, French) kitchen shears. It turns out I am no Julia Child.

To answer Mama2roo's question, I never did reach the "F it, cut it out!" stage. I don't have a ton of hair, so it's hard to hide anything, and I couldn't bear the thought of a one-inch chunk sticking out. I eventually admitted defeat and took Todd up on his offer to try and remove the brush. I closed my eyes and he did something that I don't want to know about and it was out, leaving an enormous knot behind. I worked at the knot with loads of conditioner and my fingers for what felt like forever. I got the knot out, but it turned into a little pile of long, very well conditioned strands of hair that were no longer attached to my head. And a spot on my head that is still sore.

Then I turned into a weeping, apologetic mess for having ruined the whole day.


* This has nothing to do with anything, but watching the movie sent me browsing through the blog that spawned the book that became the movie. I was floored by how non-anonymous her blog was. You know her name, her employer, her husband's employer, the street they live on, the business underneath their apartment. The internet was a different world in 2002.


Andy said...

Having always had short straight hair that doesn't really require brushing, I've never had this happen to me. Though I did lose 5 hours of my life once trying to help a roommate get a hot curling brush out of her hair. not fun!

So... no pictures???

mama2roo said...

Oh you poor thing...I know how much it hurts (I think. Once I got one of those old fashioned soft/spiky hair curlers that my mom had stuck in my hair when I was a kid, but it didn't take 7 hours to free myself, but I remember the panic and the pain!)

THanks for sharing, even though it probably isn't funny at all to you :(

Heather said...

@Andy - Pictures? Hell, no. No evidence!

At the time I swore I wasn't going to blog about it. Or tell anyone about it, ever. But obviously that inclination lasted about five minutes. Hee!

Heather said...

@Mama2roo - You know, it's kind of funny to me now. Because it's so ridiculous. And because Todd has forgiven me.

Rachie317 said...

Yep - that is essentially, EXACTLY how I did the same thing! Except, mine was a round brush that was ALSO a curling iron... So, not only was it stuck in my hair... it was HOT! And it ended up being cut out and leaving a huge chunk right where my bangs had been... :)

Lori Lavender Luz said...

Hairrowing. I have now developed a case of brushophobia.

This same thing happened with my daughter over the holidays. She lost a clump, too, and we all lost about 3 hours.

I'm sorry you had to endure it.

luna said...

yikes! that sounds awful. I've only had minor incidents with combs and knots. well at least it makes for a great story.

speaking of which, did you know julie also wrote some very ugly memoirs? I imagine there are some people out there (read: her husband and anyone she had an affair with) who would have rather that she kept SOME anonymity.

Lori said...

The blog inspired a book which inspired the movie. Although the movie was cute, the book is definitely the best of the 3.

Anonymous said...

That could have happened to me. I'm that hair-inept as well.

"The Internet was a different place in 2002."
No it wasn't. People were just stupider.

a Tonggu Momma said...

And this is why I have short hair... because that easily could have been me otherwise.

Sissy said...

My lord, that is a horrible and hilarious story! Both at the same time.

That being said, I get my hands caught in my tangly, curly hair all the time! I haven't brushed it in years!

Linda said...

I'm laughing but it's the laughter of horror because I can SO see myself doing the same thing! Your poor head!


Hilary said...

What kind of brush actually requires instructions? And who would even think to read them? Please. That is a recipe for disaster.

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