August 25, 2009

Layering

Puppy's first dad, Ray, arrived on Sunday night and leaves late tomorrow. It has been a very laid-back, easy-going visit thus far.

I don't know what, if anything, from these few days Puppy will remember years from now. But I watch him soaking up Ray's affection like a little sponge and I know it's worth it. Puppy is definitely beginning to develop an air of ownership of the relationship, a sense that Ray is "his."

We haven't been together in person with Ray all that many times since Puppy's placement, especially after we moved away. I can count the visits on one hand. But I know this visit wouldn't be so comfortable if Ray hadn't already stayed with us before, right before Firefly was born. And Puppy wouldn't have warmed up to him so quickly during that stay if he didn't remember him from our evening together the prior summer. And that evening wouldn't have been so enjoyable if we adults hadn't gotten to know each other better one summer day a year earlier, before Puppy was even a year old. And that early visit wouldn't have been as fruitful if we hadn't through that first awkward gathering when Puppy was just two months old.

It all builds upon itself, piece by piece. I know things will get harder down the road, as Puppy hits different ages and Ray's life (and ours) continues to change. But I have to believe this beginning, this foundation will still be there, underneath it all, carrying us in some small way.

7 comments:

Sally Bacchetta said...

I love the insight that seems to come naturally for you. I think you're right on with this post, and as always, I enjoyed reading it. I'm glad you're in the blogosphere.

mama2roo said...

I agree. I try to think back and remember anything from when I was three years old. I remember a few incidents, but not a whole lot of specifics. makes me wonder what Woob will remember from this time in his life and the visits we have...but really I don't think that's as important as laying that foundation for what happens next and getting that comfort level for when the next part of his life begins.

Tammy said...

I wish I had more time to write at this point, because this is exactly the realization that I have had about Bug and her sister. All the hard work and awkward moments in the beginning are leading to more and more opportunities where at least with this one member (and her sister's mom, not Bug's first mom, so complicated!) of our extended family, things are getting more and more meaningful. Each visit builds on the last. Each time brings more memories for Bug with her first family. More and more it matters to her, is natural for her, means more to us. And that makes the hard stuff worth it.

Jess said...

Totally and completely agree! :)

Jamie said...

i'm so thankful for those who have "gone before" me and all that i can learn from your experiences. :) we have yet to do our first "awkward" visit. it will most likely take place when milo is 9 months old.
thank you for all of your insight and your gentle words of encouragement (even when you don't realize you're encouraging. :))

luna said...

I love how you lay together the foundation, as if they are the building blocks necessary for that relationship to exist now, and somewhere down the road.

(A)Dad said...

layering...I love it. Well, though we didn't get a good vacation this summer, at least we got some good layers.

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