September 03, 2008

A Moment Observed

On Friday we took the kids to the state fair. It was a wonderfully sunny day that we filled with with farm animals and dairy wives' ice cream and playing in the kids' zone.

At one point, we were doing who knows what with the kids (probably just trying to move from point A to point B, which inevitably requires several stops for child wrangling) when I was suddenly aware that a couple standing near us was watching us. They were close to our age, a man and a woman with wedding rings on their fingers. From the corner of my eye, I could see them staring as we interacted with the kids. The woman in particular couldn't take her eyes off of Firefly in her mei tai perch. After awhile they walked off and I chalked it up to the undeniable cuteness of my children.

A few seconds later we turned to cut through a back way so that Puppy could check out some farm equipment (tractors! combines!). There was the same couple, locked in an hug, her hands over her face and her head buried in his shoulder. He was stroking her hair as if to comfort her. As we passed by, I heard him say, "Hey. Listen. It will happen for you. It will happen for you one day."

My heart jumped into my throat. I'm sure any reader here can easily guess what sprang into my sub-fertile, adoptive parent mind. Part of me wanted to tell them that I know what it's like to be waiting and hoping. That I know what it's like to be surrounded everywhere you go by the very thing you're missing.

But I also know what it's like to have to stop reading as a favorite blog morphs from an infertility blog to a parenting blog. Or to offer sincere congratulations for a friend's long-awaited pregnancy, then have a good cry when you're finally alone. Sometimes even the people who can empathize are too much to be around when your present is now in their past.

It only took a moment for me to see them and walk by, pushing the stroller forward and leaving them behind. Maybe I was wrong and it had nothing to do with babies at all. But as we passed I was suddenly so grateful for the family I was with.

9 comments:

FireMom said...

Beautiful post. I got all weepy. We need more compassionate people like you.

Tammy said...

Oh Heather, this brought tears to my eyes. Having been on both sides, it really makes my heart hurt for those waiting.

Lori said...

Watching others go through the peaks and valleys of fertility treatments just breaks my heart. Partly because it brings up those painful memories of my own. And party because they haven't considered adoption as a viable option. It's so hard for me to hear of adoption as a "last chance".

I wish that couple all the best. Whether it's the road to parenthood or the blue ribbon for homemade jam.

Ariella said...

I cried through 1/2 this post, crying so hard I had to walk away from the computer to regain my composure. Those feelings she had are never far from me, as I am sure they are never far from you. We may have gone on to become mothers but the infertility (sub-fertility as you put it) is always there.

takinganewapproach said...

I have tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. It is always there. Usually pushed to the back of my mind, but ALWAYS there. And like you, I look at my sweet girl and sometimes can't even believe she's real.

Wow, do I ever know what that moment is like.

Judy said...

You're wonderful, and so is your family.

(A)Dad said...

This made me cry.

Emily said...

I've had those moments too...both sides.

Tim and Tabitha said...

I have tears running down my face, I am still that woman with her head tucked into her wonderful, caring, not knowing how to "fix the problem" husband. Some days I have hope that I will be the mom pushing the stroller by, other days it's just easier to get too busy with other things to think about it-mostly because I'm tired of fixing my makeup after the crying so no one askes me, "what's wrong?" Not that the hurt is ever far from the surface, why is my body broken when the girl down the street is on her 6th pregnancy and still doesnt have enough carseats so drives around with children hanging out the windows......
I thank you for your writings, just found them today. I know I'm not alone in the waiting game, just feels that way some days.

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...