No matter how secure I feel about Puppy's adoption day-to-day, there are always these (mostly) irrational, crazy fears rolling around in the recesses of my heart. They have little to do with reality, just the conjecture of an unfettered mind as it drifts into sleep. Maybe all adoptive parents have them. I kind of hope so, because I'm about to share fourteen of mine with you:
- Someone somewhere forgot to sign something and we're not really Puppy's legal parents.
- I will get pregnant and we won't finish the second adoption/Puppy will feel he was a placeholder until our real kid came along/all the peoples of the world will collectively point at me and say, "I told you so!"
- K and R wish they hadn't placed him.
- They wish they hadn't placed him with us.
- They make fun of us behind our backs.
- I would be a better parent if I had given birth.
- K or R will let Puppy down.
- We will let K and R down.
- I will let Puppy down.
- We will all let each other down until we're just one big pile of disappointment and dashed hopes.
- Puppy will grow up and feel like a stranger in his first family.
- Puppy will grow up and decide we're not really his family.
- Puppy will grow up to become the leader of the adoption abolition movement, denounce me on the internet (which at that point will stream directly into our brains), and sell t-shirts with "Adoptress!" scrawled across my picture.
- The t-shirts will include a link to this blog.