May 07, 2012

Another Day

Um. Hello, there. Anyone home?

I am sorry to disappear on you like I have, sorry for the unanswered emails and glaring lack of response around the interwebs.

I think about writing every day, with a mixture of guilt and longing. Every day I can't quite bring myself to do it. I miss you all.

The truth is this: I am struggling with some depression right now in the weeks following baby Trey's* arrival. I don't know why that is so hard to admit, but there it is.

Thank you for your patience. I am doing the best I can, every day.

27 comments:

It Is What It Is said...

I am glad you posted as it is good to hear from you. I am sorry that you are struggling with something that I know stunts life's joys.

Wishing you brighter, emotionally balanced days ahead.

laurengphotography said...

*hugs* and love to you. That's all I've got. *more hugs*

Claudia Corrigan D'Arcy said...

Sometimes a break IS needed. Thought I KNOW the guilt..allowing yourself to TAKE the break is the hardest part! When I get that way, I tell myself that it is OK.. I need to refuel. Everything comes in cycles and I can't be 100% all the time.
And then I say it again.. and again...and push away the guilt!
All any of us can do is the best we can..even if somedays that means just breathing or getting out of bed.

Alissabeth said...

Hello - here! You've been missed, know that you aren't the only one letting life and doldrums keep you away from writing on the internets. ♥

susan said...

Thinking of you...and glad you are able to name the problem. Hope you have lots of support around you.

Lavender Luz said...

Abiding with you, Heather. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Meg Weber Jeske said...

Thinking of you and holding you all in my heart. Be good to yourself.

SassyCupcakes said...

I'm sorry to hear your struggling. Take care. *hug*

a Tonggu Momma said...

Heather, I am sorry you are struggling right now. Be gentle with yourself right now.

Anonymous said...

Love you. Glad you can be open about this. I have been where you are, and so many others have too. We survived and so will you. xoxo

- Sheeps Eating Me (sorry for the "anonymous" comment - can't sign in for some reason)

Rebecca Hawkes said...

Hello back. I'm here.

Hugs to you!

I've been writing about my own prior experience post-adoption depression lately and so many people have spoken up to say they have struggled with something similar.

You will be in my thoughts!

Rebecca Hawkes said...

Oops. Missed a preposition. :-p

I Was Anne said...

I've been there, too. Thinking of you and sending good vibes your way.

Jay said...

Thinking of you, Heather...I have also been there, and it is so hard. I felt as if there was a wall between the experience I was having and what it looked like to other people - for someone who leads with her heart, the dampening of emotional response that comes with depression is like someone turning out the lights.

As Lavender Luz says, we are abiding with you. We will be here when you are ready.

kareydk said...

Post adoption depressions is very real. Hope you are getting some help. Glad you brought it up so we can all support you.

Camille said...

Thanks for being real enough to share what you're actually feeling. I think so many bloggers try to portray this perfect life; I struggle myself with how honest to be about the difficult times. Hang in there! Know that you're an inspiration to so many, and we're praying for you.

Mama C/Catherine said...

You are so brave. You have such a magical wall of saying so much with so little. You give others permission to have their feelings too--while guarding your own with privacy and care. You'll have so much to offer on the other side!

Heather Schade said...

Thank you, everyone, truly. I've read each of your individual comments many times over as they've come in and let them give me virtual hugs. They each mean so, so much.

Kristin said...

Here's another warm embrace, sweet Heather. I've missed you, and hope that you feel the sun shining on your beautiful face soon. Take good care.

Susan M said...

Hang in there!

Claudia said...

Oh Heather, I don't know why it's so hard to write about either, but it really really is. I'm so sorry that you're going through this - you have all my sympathy. Life is hard enough without your head messing you around. Sending you a whole lotta love. (And - if you are at the point where you think medicine would help, please do see your dr. Getting some medicine made a huge huge difference to me).

Meg said...

Prayers coming your way...out of all our responsibilities and the things pulling us in a million directions, ourselves and our family need to be taken care of first...dont have any regret for that. We all here on the web will still be here! (I think of all the emails I got during the six weeks after Eli was born when I couldn't blog, because the 30 day revocation period was not up, and I just cringed when I touched a keyboard) I am glad you talk about it, because so many dont. *Hugs* to you!

luna said...

just sending you a virtual hug. hope you're getting the support and love you need. xo

cynthia said...

hey mama.
mother of 3?!
uh, yeah. i'd expect some depression, don't you think? i wish i was there to chat and bring you coffee and food, and entertain the babies.
sending a big hug instead…
xoxo

pajamamommas said...

Thanks for being willing to share all the parts of your journey, including the vulnerable hard parts.
I hope you find some peace soon and that you have the support you need.

Kohana said...

I have fallen behind in following your blog and had no idea you have a third little person in you family! I also struggled with post-adoption depression (self diagnosed, at least). May you have all the grace you need to navigate this glorious and heartrending, wonderful and extremely painful season. To say much else feels trite, so I just hope you have lots of support as you love this new baby and his family.

Claudia said...

Hi H,
Just wanted to check in and say... thinking of you. I hope that you are being looked after and that the month ahead is better than the one behind. xxx

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