January 20, 2010

Ack. Again, I Say, Ack

I seem to have run smack into some sort of giant blogging wall. A wall built out of bricks made from winter-writer's-block and too-much-going-on.

Bullet points it is, then:
  • I'm part of a small group at Big Church that meets to study justice issues. One of our most recent topics was global human trafficking and I tossed some of the current ethical challenges in international adoption into the discussion. People asked some good questions. I get used to the defensiveness that so often characterizes online discussions about adoption ethics (on all sides of the issue), but I've found that in-person conversations almost never take that tone. Has that been true for any of you?

  • I'm 98% sure we're taking the plunge into nanny-land soon. We've been fielding applicants for a couple of weeks and had one of them out for a second interview on Monday to play with the kids. Firefly and Puppy thought she was fantastic, which probably sealed the deal for her. Firefly was even fine with being left alone in a room with her within minutes of meeting her, which--as those of you who have met Firefly know--is something just short of a miracle.

    I'm not entirely sure why it seems so different to hire someone to care for our kids here at our home vs. paying someone who runs a small home daycare (our current set-up), but I feel awfully bourgeois. I am also dreading the break-up conversation with our current babysitter. I can't see any way she won't take our leaving personally, although the truth is that we just need more flexibility than she can provide. When someone is caring for your children, it's so much more than a business relationship.

  • Our open adoption blogroll got a plug in Agency #2's quarterly newsletter. We're hitting the big time, friends! (Heh.) It was a nice surprise to see it there.

10 comments:

mama2roo said...

Glad you're still here. I do hear you on the breaking up with babysitters thing...Woob's been gone from Julie's for almost 2 years and I still feel guilty and she still does't "get" why we switched. And yes, VERY bourgois!

a Tonggu Momma said...

In terms of in-person conversations versus ones over the internet... yes! My friend's church is planning an "adoption seminar" for a couple of months from now. She dragged me along to the first two meetings to provide a different perspective. Everyone (well, except for one person) was very receptive to all I had to say. And it was challenging for them, I think, but they respectfully listened. And it seemed to influence how they proceeded.

Parisienne Mais Presque said...

We ended up hiring a nanny with another family when we didn't get a spot in day care. It made me feel rather bourgeois at first, too, but it is also a very common child care setup in the Paris region, where every day care center has a years-long waiting list and long commutes on public transportation put a premium on caregiver flexibility.

It is perhaps a little bit more difficult to navigate the ambiguities having your child's caregiver (and therefore a partner in your parenting, in a certain way) be an employee who comes to your house every day. Plus, this is France, and I still haven't figured out the subtleties of "vous" and "tu" in this situation -- I'm still using "vous" with our nanny after almost two years, and although it feels strange, I think it's too late to change!

All that said, it has worked out great, we love our nanny, and our son is extremely happy. And I like not having to worry whether I'm forgetting something in a mad rush to get out the door in the morning (although since it's generally my husband who does the morning routine, it wasn't usually my responsibility).

cynthia said...

I keep meaning to ask you.. I want to be part of the blogroll, and have that nifty icon on my blog. How do I do it again?

Shannan said...

I agree that having "heated" discussions in person almost never turn ugly because you can sense and see what that person is really trying to say and can hear their tone of voice, etc. Online comments are foder for fights because you can take almost anything and make it read ugly. Love your blog!

Shannan said...

I agree that having "heated" discussions in person almost never turn ugly because you can sense and see what that person is really trying to say and can hear their tone of voice, etc. Online comments are foder for fights because you can take almost anything and make it read ugly. Love your blog!

Anonymous said...

Will your nanny make a living wage? Would you work for this wage? Can she (I assume female) support herself and dependents? Taxes, benefits, insurance etc all need to be considered.

How will you deal with long term nanny sickness and employment security? Days off? Differences in values?

Hard questions pitting individual home based care against "institution/business" model.

Yes, "it's so much more than a business relationship" but it's certainly also a business relationship (they wouldn't do it for free).

I was lucky and was always able to find small home day care situations that worked for all of us.

I hope your choice works out well for all of you!

Anonymous said...

The information here is great. I will invite my friends here.

Thanks

Heather said...

@Anonymous 1/24 - Thanks for your concern on her behalf. I'm not sure how to respond other than to say that (a) we're well aware of the legal/ethical issues and (b) we're following the Golden Rule in our decisions. We're not interested in taking advantage of anyone. This change wasn't motivated by finances.

Rebeccah said...

Sounds like the nanny hunt is going well. I totally hear you on the bourgeois thing. I still struggle with that.

I was wondering how I missed the plug for the bloglist, and then realized I hadn't read the newsletter yet. Thanks for the reminder (and yay for OA bloggers!)

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