December 19, 2008

Your Opinion is Kindly Requested

Let's say you placed your first child in an open adoption, then had a new baby you were parenting. If the adoptive parents gathered up some t-shirts you originally gave to your eldest and sort of re-gifted them back to you as part of (or alongside) a baby present, would you be...

(a) touched that your youngest could share these clothes with her sibling, or

(b) hurt that they didn't want to hang on to them as mementos for your child, or

(c) annoyed that part of the gift is not only used but a gift that was being returned to you?

I think I know what I'm going to do, but I have made bone-headed moves in the gift arena throughout my life. Everyone's opinions are welcome, but especially any first moms'. What do you think?

14 comments:

cindypsbm said...

Personally I would go with A and C. Don't do it. Ask her first.

Kendra said...

I would think (a). Especially if you present as "I thought it would be so neat for Baby X to be able to wear these t-shirts that you gave to Puppy!" But maybe keep a special one for Puppy as a memento?

Dawn said...

I would ask her. Lisa V did this with Mallory's clothes and they both loved seeing Mallory's little sister in the same outfit. I've packed stuff up for Pennie and some stuff up for Madison. Now that it's clear there will be some space between them (since Pennie isn't pregnant with or parenting her next child yet), I'll let them work it out together but I'll save a couple of moments for ME like I saved a couple of Noah's outfits. But most of the clothes I saved, I saved with the intention of passing 'em on to Pennie.

Guera! said...

CCCCCCCCCC!!!!!! Oh sorry, that was obnoxious of me. I would pick um, uh hum...C.

Lisa said...

I think it depends on how K sees her new child’s relationship with Puppy. You have said before that she was sort of deceptive about new baby’s origins and told you that the two were not biologically related. Does she still think you believe this? In this case, the gift might be off-putting for her as she is keeping their “siblingness” secret.

As an amom, I wouldn’t do it. I think it kind of smacks letter C, re-gift, and though I don’t pretend to know what K is thinking, she may want her child to be recognized apart from Puppy and his adoption. Though this isn’t her first child, it is the first child she is parenting and she probably wants the new baby to be seen as special and a start of something new and exciting for her. This is the first child which will call her “mom,” so I would select something that celebrates her unique relationship with the new baby and not tie it Puppy and your family.

Megan said...

While I would personally find this a touching thing, I think it's better not to send them. It seems since K had trouble being honest about everything, she has some (understandable) baggage to deal with surrounding either her decision to place Puppy for adoption or her decision to parent his sibling. Either way, I think having such a tangible reminder of their connection might be extremely difficult for her to process. In other words, I would make the baby gift something light and happy with no additional meaning.

luna said...

ooh, interesting. what do you plan to do? ask her first? forget about it?

sounds like you still intend to give a unique gift. so if you still want to try to pass the clothes along, maybe ask about them separately?

thanksgivingmom said...

For me, it's A and B - I know - the two TOTALLY conflicting ones! haha - what can I say? I'm complicated!

I would LOVE for Cupcake to "share" an outfit in that way. So if you send it, I would include a loving note about the intention, and maybe mention an article of clothing that you're keeping or something, you know?

I would want Cupcake to KEEP things that I had sent as well....so provided there's enough that you could keep a couple items and send a couple, I think you could do it. (Especially because you have a way with words and can totally explain the intention of the gift)

My name is Andy. said...

hmmm... I'm leaning toward A myself, but I'm an old sentimental fool!

cindypsbm said...

I know I already left an answer but I just had another thought about C.

First moms are not usually financally blessed, when they give a gift, its a big deal. They want you at least use it once.

Reason I choose A. If someone really doesn't want the gift I gave them, when I want it back of course!

Heather said...

@cindypsbm - It's not an issue of me wanting the shirts or rejecting a gift K gave to us/him. They are in infant sizes and were well-used. Puppy outgrew them a long, long time ago.

cindypsbm said...

sorry I misunderstood C
I thought it said 'not used'.

Pickel said...

Maybe send your favorite only as a keepsake? I love that my boys will be able to wear the same outfits but not sure if I would welcome a lot from an adoptive mom. However, I think I would really like my son's favorite outfit to share.

Lisa V said...

As Dawn said, we've saved Mallory's clothes and passed them down to her sisters. We pass down stuff from all our girls and give them to Mal's sisters. Her first mom loves it, and the sister love, love, love it. The idolize Mal and my other girls, so they love having anything that was their's.

They sometimes pass down toys too. The big girls love seeing Mal's little sisters treasure some of their favorite dolls, stuffed animals, etc.

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