July 07, 2008

Pulling the Pieces Together

Firefly's first dad has been doing a little dance since he and Ms B bumped into each other on the bus that day. He wants to know about Firefly, then he doesn't; he pursues contact, then disappears.

At first he was doing the dance with Ms B, until she (rightly) said, "This isn't my problem," and sent him to her social worker. Then he danced with the social worker awhile until finally they sat down and talked. In less than three weeks time, T and I will finally--hopefully--sit down with him ourselves. And he will meet his daughter for the first time.

I'm nervous. But positive. Cautiously optimistic. This is uncharted territory for us, a first parent who wasn't part of the adoption from the beginning and doesn't necessarily buy into child-centered open adoption (yet). Will this be our one shot with him? I worry that he feels like we've made him jump through hoops to meet us and to see Firefly. But my gut tells me that going slowly now will pay off later. It's harder to go backwards and try to fix things once after the fact.

I'm trying hard not to overthink this. Almost everything we know about him at this point comes second- or third-hand. Finally we'll be able to form some opinions for ourselves. I can guess at the reasons for his choices so far--and often do--but it's just conjecture. We don't know enough to do more than accept how things are at the moment and act with an eye toward the future. Really that's all we can ever do.

Everyone who has seen him tells us that Firefly looks just like him, save for Ms B's lips. I stare at her sometimes trying to morph her face in to an adult man's. If nothing else I will be able to tell her I saw the resemblance with my own eyes. And show her a picture of him, saying this is the first time he held you, and let her see it for herself. I don't know how much that would be worth, but it's more than we can offer now.

8 comments:

Dawn said...

I'm so glad that you're going to get this opportunity! Hope it turns into something wonderful for Firefly!!!

Minnie said...

I think despite the outcome, I'm glad you're getting the opportunity.

Tammy said...

Wow! What a great chance for Firefly, for all of you! If there is anything I've learned through the hard things of our open adoptions, it's to take what comes and make the most of THAT moment. For me, I've had to start dreaming of what comes next, or the possibilities of what might develop, and be grateful for what is. I'm so glad this is a possibility for you.

Meg Jeske said...

Wow. This is exciting. I hope it goes well. Good luck navigating this new territory.

Ariella said...

I think a picture of a bio parent is worth a lot to a grown child. I hope he decides to share why he surrindered and answers the many questions you are sure to have. Maybe this will begin a lasting relationship but if not at least you will be able to tell her you tried.

takinganewapproach said...

Wow! This is so exciting... and nerve-wracking... and wonderful... and crazy. I am so thrilled for you that this opportunity is finally coming about. I hope for the same opportunity someday for my daughter.

D

Judy said...

I wish you all the best with this.

Rachel said...

I can understand why you are nervous about the meeting. I am glad you are open to the meeting and allowing him to get to know Firefly.

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