So now we are a family of four and can flit across the border without so much as telling a soul. Hurrah! And Firefly's connection to Ms B is recognized and protected in the open adoption agreement, at least on a minimal level.
You'd think that after almost two years of of preparation and waiting and contentious decision-making, we'd be ready to stand still for awhile. But no! Because T and I
When we got married, I vaguely wanted two kids and T wanted enough to field a football team. He later reduced his vision to a basketball team. Even now, as he's still reeling from the transition to two children (twice the kid, thrice the work), the energy of a large family appeals to him. My original defense ("When you birth the babies you can decide how many we're going to have.") doesn't hold much water anymore.
We sorta agreed not to make any family planning decisions until Firefly turned one. The corollary was that we also wouldn't talk about next steps for several months. I think we lasted all of three weeks. We both agree that we are D-O-N-E with private adoption, either domestic or international. We just don't have the resources--emotional or financial--to responsibly travel that road a third time.
Our intention in the very beginning was to adopt two children of color. Obviously that plan didn't go as expected. So we ponder questions of balance and the ramifications of Firefly being the only non-white person in the household. One of us isn't ready to take a non-adopted child off the table yet. One of gets squirmy at the thought of more than three kids. One of us is nudging the other toward fostering. One of us wonders if our family isn't just right as it is. I'll let you guess where each of us falls.
Above it all, both of us feel lucky to be considering questions of "more" and not "if." This is not the exact road we expected take and once started we found it more morally complicated than expected, but how joyful it has been nonetheless.