April 30, 2008

Rainy Days and Wednesdays

When my husband is feeling down, he goes looking to talk it out with someone. The listener doesn't really even need to say much in response; somehow the act of putting it into words makes him feel a little better.

When I am feeling down, I hide. Because if I talk to people then they might figure out I'm sad and then...well, I don't really know what would happen, but they'd probably want me to talk about my feelings or something and clearly that's worth hiding from. Right?

I'm going to get back to the river parable, but I've been a little depressed lately and need a few days to clear my head.

I think in part it's being at the mid-point of my family leave from my job. I'm missing those social connections and the satisfaction of the work itself. I wouldn't trade this time with Firefly for that, but she's not the most stimulating companion. At the same time, I'm sad it's halfway finished.

I think in part it's that we're ten weeks post-Firefly's placement and this is a backlash from the emotional intensity of that time.

I think in part it's the weather. I actually don't mind the long stretches of grey we have here in the winter. But this year's absurdly slow transition to spring--we get a day or two of sparkly sun, then get slapped with another storm--has me in the doldrums.

All in all, things are fine. The circumstances of our life are good and everyone is healthy. But I felt that I left things hanging and the emails are stacking up unanswered, so I wanted to explain my absence.

1 comment:

cynthia said...

hey there,

just wanted to say hi and that i hope.... i don't know what i hope exactly because there's enough stuff you mentioned that is real and doesn't just lift easily. but i hope that the weight feels lighter soon-


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