October 11, 2007

Popping In

T is driving to the airport after work today to pick up K for her birthday visit. I am markedly less nervous than I was before her spring visit (which was our first overnighter). Still anxious enough to stay up late cleaning last night, but not so aflutter that I couldn't sleep. If K is nervous, she's not revealing it to us. She's been counting down the days on her Facebook page.

Part of the calm is knowing that we done this successfully once before. But it is also due to some recent progress in our relationship. I don't know how to be appropriately vague without making it meaningless, but some good things have happened recently. I am happy with where our relationship is right now and the direction it's headed. In the beginning T and I were operating with this idea that we, as the adoptive parents, shouldered all the responsibility for making the openness work. It didn't take long for us to realize that a healthy open adoption requires some sense of partnership between the two sets of parents, some initiative on both sides. (I think it's some of the difference between child-centered open adoption and other forms of open adoption.) That's not an easy adjustment to make mid-relationship, and obviously not one that can be done unilaterally. But it's been happening, partly organically and partly with some changes in how we approach certain things. And that feels really good.

It is strange to think that two years and six weeks ago we led completely separate lives, and now we're part of the same family.

I have so many things I've been wanting to sort through here--naming, my feelings as our meeting with Ms B approaches, holding together the good and bad in adoption. But they will have to wait. It's relaxed play day tomorrow, apple picking on Saturday, and birthday party on Sunday. My fingers are crossed for a good weekend.

9 comments:

mama2roo said...

Hope all the party festifvities go well! I'd love to talke with you sometime about some of the things you are doing to keep things going in the right direction. I'm happy for you all!

Dawn said...

I really hope I get to meet you in person one of these days. Seems like everything you're writing lately is really resonating with me. :)

JJandFive said...

I hope you have a fabulous time with K, Heather! And a very happy birthday to Puppy. : )
Look forward to hearing about it afterwards!

KrazyMom said...

Your openess with Puppy's adoption is such a blessing to all of you. I can only pray that we can have the same relationship with a birth parent when we are finally able to adopt. Hope all goes well this weekend, I can't wait to read all about it!

Happy Birthday, Puppy!

Momo Fali said...

Wishing you a wonderful visit and a happy party!!

Clementine said...

Best wishes for a wonderful weekend with K. Happy 2nd birthday to Puppy, too!

http://gettingitoffmymind.blogspot.com said...

Happy birthday Puppy!!! hope you have a great visit with K!!!

Corey~living and loving said...

I am thinking of you and the whole bunch this weekend. I admire you for making sometimes hard things work out. Take good care of you!

justenjoyhim/judy said...

I hope you're having a wonderful weekend as I'm typing this.

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