Open Adoption Roundtable #8

The Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It's designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don't need to be part of the Open Adoption Bloggers list to participate, or even be in a traditional open adoption. If you're thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table.

Publish your response during the next two weeks--linking back here so we can all find one other--and leave a link to your post in the comments. If you don't blog, you can always leave your thoughts directly in the comments.

One common thread running through the last batch of roundtable posts was that, even though balancing privacy concerns can be challenging, we keep blogging about adoption because the connections we make are worth the challenges.

Blogging at its best is a conversation. An interaction between writers and readers who comment or even just mull over a post long after reading it. A paper journal gives you privacy, but it can never challenge your ideas or give you insight into another perspective. It never offers support in a difficult moment. Blogging--or rather, the people reading and writing those blogs--can.

There are people inside my computer--strangers--whose words have made a difference in my family's adoptions. That probably sounds nutty to those outside the blog world, but it's true. And I bet the same is true for many of you. In this round, I thought it would be interesting to recognize some of those people. Because I bet a lot of those folks don't even realize the effect they've had on us.

Write about a blogger (or bloggers) who influenced your real-life open adoption, and how. It might be someone who became an offline friend who supports and challenges you. Or a writer who makes you uncomfortable, but gets you thinking. Maybe a blogger who doesn't even know you are reading. Tell us about them and how they've affected you.

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Adoptive mom Jenn Mc says Thanksgivingmom made her more aware of her own actions toward her child's birth mom.

Prospective adoptive parent Prabha at Baby Steps to a Baby Dream tells how stumbling onto Clio in an internet search completely changed her mind about open adoption.

Prospective adoptive parent Thorn at Mother Issues describes how an encounter with Dawn's family changed her partner's view of her decades-old adoption.

Adoptive mom Spyderkl at Evil Mommy shares how her friendship with Barb of Cigarettes and Coffee helped her keep the door open, even when it seemed like no one walked through it.

Adoptive mom Cynthia at In the Night Kitchen recalls turning to the internet to help her get over her fears--and finding This Woman's Work.

Adoptive mom Rredhead at the Adoption.com Open Adoption Blog rounds up her favorite first mom and adoptive mom blogs, plus two group blogs.

First mom Ginger of Puzzle Pieces finds parallels between her oldest daughter and Madison, insight into the adoption process at Hoping for Another Little One and Parenthood Path, and an example of the sort of cooperation open adoption requires at The Great Surro Adventure.

First mom Amstel of Amstel Life shares some of her favorite positive adoption blogs, while noting that it's the writers opposed to adoption who have forced her to really come to terms with the "what ifs."

First mom Leigh at Sturdy Yet Fragile tells how blogs like Weebles Wobblog and Parenthood Path allowed her to see adoptive parents as people and take a chance with her daughter's adoptive parents.

First mom Thanksgivingmom of I Should Really Be Working shares how the words and support of Coco at Mommyhood and Life help her make sense of her own situation.

Adoptive mom and adopted adult Andy at Today's the Day! says writers like M de P, Thanksgivingmom, Jenna and Dawn have helped her cope with the limbo of her family's lopsided adoptions.

First mom and adopted adult Valerie of From Another Mother is inspired by the advocacy of The R House.

Adoptive mom Barely Sane at Infertility Licks says the blogs of first moms like Brown, Thanksgivingmom and Valerie showed her new, practical ways to communicate with her daughter's first family.

Prospective adoptive parent Amy of  Beanie Baby Blog says blogs like Heart Cries, Infertility Licks and Amstel Life have her rethinking their thus far conservative approach to open adoption..

First mom Susiebook at Endure for a Night appreciates the insight This Woman's Work gives her into adoptive parents, credits I Should Really Be Working with grounding her in the midst of her grief, and sees herself in The Happiest Sad.

Prospective adoptive parent Jacksmom at Hoping for Another Little One appreciates Ginger's honest appraisals of her very different open adoptions, my stories of thinking through adoption in our home, and being able to share in the growth of Luna's open adoption relationship from its beginnings.

Adoptive mom Lassie at Eggs Benedict Arnold shares how vital it has been for her to face up to the hard truths found in Not Mother.

Adopted adult Anonadoptee at The Adopted Feminist envisions being one of the first to have grown up in an open adoption to use her experience to support others--and generously opens herself up to questions.

Adoptive parent Sharon at What Else Do We Need? writes about the importance of finding a kindred spirit in Dawn.

Adoptive parent Momosapien joins the (well-deserved) Dawn love train, noting how much she's learned about creating space for conflicting emotions.

Settle an Argument

A question for you, based on a recent conversation in which someone may or may not have been accused of being a curmudgeon:

Let's imagine there is a blog you enjoy that's built around a certain topic or theme. That topic is what drew you to the blog in the first place--you loved the recipes with their gorgeous photos, say, or reading about what it's like to live in a wee log cabin on a mountaintop.

Now the blogger, whether from boredom or distraction, is veering off topic. The recipe blogger writes about politics and her new kitten. The log cabin dweller offers movie reviews.

A blogger can write about whatever she likes in her own space, of course. But how do you react as a reader? Are you annoyed or bored by the shift? Do you keep happily reading?



Feel free to explain your vote in the comments.

ETA: Forgot to mention that the actual question at hand was is it better to post frequently and give visitors fresh content, even if it's off-topic, or post infrequently but have a clear theme.

A Chicken in Every Pot!

Six reasons I'm voting for This Woman's Work over at The Bump's Best Adoption Blog contest:

1. Dawn started writing about adoption in 2002. In blog years, she's way overdue for a Lifetime Achievement Award.
   
   
2. She gives of her own time and money to run Open Adoption Support, so that those of us in open adoptions can have a safe place to give and receive help.
   
   
3. Her writing kicks ass.
   
   
4. If she's named the overall best blog, she'll donate the $1,000 prize to Ethica, an independent group doing great advocacy work on behalf adoptees, children in care, first parents and adoptive families. They're a rare jewel in the adoption world.
   
   
5. For once I'd like to see this sort of messy adoption narrative get mainstream recognition (and The Bump practically defines "mainstream").  I don't think she knows this, but waaay back in the day, reading Dawn's blog made me really defensive. I was wholly invested in the idea that there was a Right Way to do adoption that could make it positive for everyone involved, and that there were black-and-white distinctions between birth parents and adoptive parents and their place in an adopted child's life. Everything I heard from Agency #1 or was reading reinforced that. But here was this adoptive mom who was totally my kind of people in her parenting and politics and feminism, with an adoption that looked a lot like ours on its face. And she was arguing that there is actually a whole lot of grey--advocating for openness while pointing out that it doesn't make everything better, pushing at the boundaries of my ideas about everything from naming to sharing motherhood to revocation periods. It took awhile sitting with those thoughts--and experiencing the reality of our own family's adoption--but eventually my own ideas became more nuanced and flexible. And I really think I'm a better adoptive parent and open adoption participant for it (although heaven knows I still have a ways to go). I can't help but wish that voices like hers were out in the mainstream where I could have stumbled easily across them in the vey beginning.
   
   
6. If she wins, adoption blog trolls will disappear.*

So, please vote (many, many times) before 11:59 PM EST Monday!

* What? You've never heard an impossible campaign promise before?