tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post9068908641172577704..comments2023-07-28T02:29:08.172-07:00Comments on Production, Not Reproduction | A blog about open adoption: Nappy and the White BoyHeatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05737780263679929983noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-62767016263303740172010-04-11T10:00:04.580-07:002010-04-11T10:00:04.580-07:00This is a wonderful post. I'm Caucasian and m...This is a wonderful post. I'm Caucasian and my husband is African American. We are currently trying to conceive (with infertility issues) and we are also seriously considering adoption. <br /><br />If we have biological children, they will obviously be biracial, and if we adopt we will likely adopt a biracial or African American child. I hope that I can approach any teachable moments with my future children as well as you did with yours. <br /><br />I think you beautifully acknowledged how complex racial issues can be, even within the same family.Meredithnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-59567319789231602442010-03-04T07:54:10.725-08:002010-03-04T07:54:10.725-08:00This was an amazing post for me to read. I have no...This was an amazing post for me to read. I have no connection to adoption of any kind. I just loved how you talked to him about the word nappy and it made me smile. I remember a close friend growing up, she was mixed race, black father, white mother and her siblings were from her black father and their black mothers. They used to give her a lot of shit because her hair was straight and smooth curly and theirs was not. Trivial then, but I wonder how she and they turned out. Great parenting advice anyway thanks so much for sharing!Wishing 4 Onehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13569405415176468436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-8611348433921308682010-03-01T08:42:27.400-08:002010-03-01T08:42:27.400-08:00That was really well said. I write about hair and ...That was really well said. I write about hair and have been shocked by the number of times I've heard white parents describe their black child's hair as nappy without any understanding of the cultural significance and context of the word.<br /><br />Great job explaining it to your son.Marlohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16354567046157593541noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-78038665199090077292010-02-26T04:02:54.144-08:002010-02-26T04:02:54.144-08:00Great job! Wow.
This reminds me of one of our fam...Great job! Wow. <br />This reminds me of one of our family stories.<br />When Ilsa was 4 and she and her twin brother were the only white kids in their preschool class (in Mauritania), she came home to tell me about her two new friends. Aida had "gold skin and black hair" and Bomby was "dark dark brown like chocolate." She kept going on about how dark Bomby was. I kept squirming. But it was so innocent--she was just describing her friend to me, and there was no judgement behind it. She thought her new friends beautiful, as they were. (Aida Lebanese; Bomby Ivoirian) But I still had to teach her that we usually don't just describe people by skin colour.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-23539280758372051132010-02-24T12:10:48.315-08:002010-02-24T12:10:48.315-08:00Wow, nice work! I'm just in awe. It was an a...Wow, nice work! I'm just in awe. It was an age-appropriate and accurate explanation. And off the cuff too! Can I borrow you any time I have a tricky kid question????Jen Mnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-2003881252966712872010-02-24T11:36:15.033-08:002010-02-24T11:36:15.033-08:00great post heather. lately i've realized how w...great post heather. lately i've realized how when i leave the house without tee i'm not marked in some way for others to know that i have a multiracial family. i simply become like a regular non-descript person that no one pays any attn too. and then when i'm out with tee i get many looks (mostly positive) and much more attn.<br /><br />there is obviously nothing to do about this but just an interesting observation. and i like your point about how just b/c firefly is black doesn't make you any less white. so true.Lavonnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15570143383826108862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-29237504369545333832010-02-24T11:02:12.578-08:002010-02-24T11:02:12.578-08:00Wow, I really never thought about those type issue...Wow, I really never thought about those type issues! It's funny, in a way, because a child can be so OPEN in their innocence, but also NOT funny because it's very serious!<br /><br />We don't have a multi-racial family but are starting to have a little bit of talking about how Ava has another Mom and brother and yet Ethan doesn't and this feels a little similar! Thanks for sharing!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05181924375187173030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-73236617724879887522010-02-24T02:12:26.579-08:002010-02-24T02:12:26.579-08:00Yes, this is challenging, especially with very you...Yes, this is challenging, especially with very young children. I had one of these moments of conflict when our whole family was getting our groove on to James Brown's "I'm Black I'm Proud." We all love the song, but we can't all sing along.<br /><br />Sprout, who is three now, sometimes tells people, "This is my brother Small Sun. He's brown." Just in case they aren't able to see for themselves?<br /><br />I think being the "only" in any variation of family hues can be challenging, and it hurts my heart that my son is alone in this experience for much longer than I had intended at the outset. <br /><br />I think you handled it well, and it sounds like you found the balance between introducing caution without shutting Puppy down. Well done.Kohanahttp://growingfamily.typepad.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-63196193906179542482010-02-23T23:19:07.761-08:002010-02-23T23:19:07.761-08:00such an excellent and thought-provoking post, heat...such an excellent and thought-provoking post, heather.lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15455301696832647867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-32914305668654107692010-02-23T21:12:43.729-08:002010-02-23T21:12:43.729-08:00Years ago the Afrocentric bookstore near our house...Years ago the Afrocentric bookstore near our house had a wall clock that said "I'm Happy to be Nappy!" across the top and "Nip, Nap, Hooray!" across the bottom. I thought it would be great to have for the kids' room. My African American husband looked at me like I was nuts. He's in favor of our girls having natural hair, but I don't think he wanted to have to explain to his mom how in White Wife World, nappy is good.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18085505673033178308noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-84805727284870225932010-02-23T13:36:56.453-08:002010-02-23T13:36:56.453-08:00Beautiful post.
Our situation is somewhat differ...Beautiful post. <br /><br />Our situation is somewhat different in that only us parents are caucasian, but four of the five of us look it. Frequently, non-family assumes that only one of our children was adopted or that he is a friend of the family. "Did you all just meet him here? Where are his parents?" <br /><br /> My kids are much more aware of their racial/cultural identities than I expected them to be at this age (4 & 5, our 9YO has a different perspective), perhaps because of the potentially misleading external cues within our own family. I have to remind myself that our blondes are not always assumed to be Chinese and therefor not always "allowed" to question someone's "Asian"ness in public (as my daughter did recently to mixed results). It really begged the question of whether or not there is a universally accepted language of respect or if everything is relative.mama dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02977377362847703113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-74399172712733730992010-02-23T13:29:46.072-08:002010-02-23T13:29:46.072-08:00Thanks for your post and blog. Great story.
Come ...Thanks for your post and blog. Great story.<br /><br />Come check out our new site called goodkin (www.WeAreGoodkin.com) We are a non-tradtional family lifestyle site that looks at new kinds of families all over. I think you'd like it.Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12347167841987221517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-6248588949101866172010-02-23T07:43:10.156-08:002010-02-23T07:43:10.156-08:00In case my google account doesn't work (I thin...In case my google account doesn't work (I think I set one up) I'm Jennifer, 39 year old white woman in MN who has a Korean sister 36 years old. we have been sisters since ages 6 and 3. Back then in them there 'olden days' you just didn't think about addressing how one was different than the other. Yes we knew there were differences, even talked about them sometimes (like I could never wear any of her makeup as I'd look like a racoon and we never could share clothes). Its funny, we get along very well as sisters. I know, in talking with my sister years after our childhood that she wished we had done more Korean cultural events but such things were just not in exsistence in a very organized fashion in the late 70s and early 80s. My how times have changed. <br /><br />But what prompted me to comment is your statement of when the 'three white people' are together without the 'racially different' person in the family. To this day this kind of bothers me. When I leave the house, especially when I leave the house with my parents, there is no symbol, no recognizable way to identify that my sister is Korean. And I want the whole world to know because I'm proud of her and love her for who she is. I thought about this more when I was in my younger 20s, in college and ready to take over the world. But it still steals into my head from time to time. I don't have an answer. One of the things I do frequently is show off photos of my sister and point out that she is my sister, letting the viewer make the connection that perchance there is adoption involved. <br /><br />I have other funny 'adult siblings that are adopted from different cultures' stories as well. But I don't want to make this post any longer than it needs to be. :-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-27461064728404877222010-02-23T06:15:44.908-08:002010-02-23T06:15:44.908-08:00I'm with Puppy. You're mean AT people. And...I'm with Puppy. You're mean AT people. And, sometimes, people are mean at you. The mean person owns it.<br /><br />Lovely post. Thanks.passinthruhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16580528670961321488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-64665682949011337052010-02-23T06:05:53.946-08:002010-02-23T06:05:53.946-08:00You sure handled that beautifully!!! I like that o...You sure handled that beautifully!!! I like that our age gap is such that talking about these things with Noah has gone pretty smoothly. I mean, seven years difference works sometimes!! But Madison has lately been on a rampage about not having a black sibling although she has no desire for us to adopt again (good thing because neither do we). It's either that or Pennie and family need to move in with us, says Madison because she is SICK OF BEING THE ONLY BLACK PERSON IN THE FAMILY!!!Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04164833674841541784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-83498817432587372382010-02-23T05:43:41.519-08:002010-02-23T05:43:41.519-08:00Yeah, that's a tough one. Thanks for sharing.Yeah, that's a tough one. Thanks for sharing.Hilaryhttp://www.september-29.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-55160953649631174152010-02-23T05:19:53.823-08:002010-02-23T05:19:53.823-08:00Hi Heather - I just wanted to take a minute to tel...Hi Heather - I just wanted to take a minute to tell you that I really enjoyed reading this post. I can't personally relate to the challenges in your household, but I love hearing about how you approach them with such grace, intelligence and thoughtfulness. I think your children are lucky to have you as their mom and I'm sure when they're older they'll look back and say, "wow, she was amazing. she made me feel strong."Leighhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07578872366867741463noreply@blogger.com