tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post8753957044351167755..comments2023-07-28T02:29:08.172-07:00Comments on Production, Not Reproduction | A blog about open adoption: One Agency, One LetterHeatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05737780263679929983noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-40725846557891928552009-01-19T08:49:00.000-08:002009-01-19T08:49:00.000-08:00[Ooops, meant to put the above comment under the n...[Ooops, meant to put the above comment under the newer post on the letter! Sorry!]Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-47201701297817406562009-01-19T08:46:00.000-08:002009-01-19T08:46:00.000-08:00I don’t know how I feel about marketing. On one ha...I don’t know how I feel about marketing. On one hand, many women don’t even consider adoption because they know nothing about it or it seems scary to them. I believe that a woman facing a situation where she is not sure if she can parent deserves to know about all her options. Women know they can parent and they know they can have an abortion, but adoption usually isn’t something people have tons of information about (unless they have personal experience with it in some way). The major problem I have with marketing efforts is that I believe that agencies present open adoption as a beautiful, magical relationship with no pitfalls to both birth and adoptive parents! I think this makes it very difficult later on. It’s been tough adjusting to my role as mom and “adoptive mom” in our OA and I don’t believe we were fully prepared for the reality of what this relationship was going to be like.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-70796541186464562009-01-15T01:39:00.000-08:002009-01-15T01:39:00.000-08:00@cocokrispybeans - I'll let T know I have a back-u...@<B>cocokrispybeans</B> - I'll let T know I have a back-up offer on the table. ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-76290606737600700342009-01-15T01:38:00.000-08:002009-01-15T01:38:00.000-08:00@rredhead - Thanks for the link. I noticed that th...@rredhead - Thanks for the link. I noticed that the agency I sent this letter to is on your recommended list.<BR/><BR/>Rating agencies is so tricky, isn't it? Everyone you ask seems to be working from a different set of criteria. And agencies' practices change so often.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-61485913250224429082009-01-15T00:03:00.000-08:002009-01-15T00:03:00.000-08:00Thanks for this. I have no problem with "outreach"...Thanks for this. I have no problem with "outreach" but aggressive marketing goes far beyond that.<BR/>After our experience with our agency, I created "recommended" and "not recommended" lists on my web site. It's my dream to one day find a way to turn that into a true ratings site. <BR/>http://www.rmcsquared.net/The_Chittister_Family/Adoption.html<BR/>FWIWAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-83074749391374155732009-01-14T17:14:00.000-08:002009-01-14T17:14:00.000-08:00Heather, will you marry me?Oh. You're already marr...Heather, will you marry me?<BR/><BR/>Oh. <BR/><BR/>You're already married, and so am I? Good point. <BR/><BR/>This post seriously rocked THAT much though. Just so you know, the offer's out there.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-41853108491605963522009-01-13T17:00:00.000-08:002009-01-13T17:00:00.000-08:00Great letter Heather. Sadly, I too have been disap...Great letter Heather. Sadly, I too have been disappointed by our agency. They initially "advertised" as supporting open adoptions but later found out that they don't believe in completely open adoption but rather it's the semi-open thing but using open adoption language. I've also found out more about their marketing techniques which disturb me. Not only am I thinking I wouldn't use this agency for a second adoption, I'm questioning if I can handle another process like this period....something I'll have to work through at a later date I suppose.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, let us know if the agency responds!Lavonnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15570143383826108862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-11571523241354011902009-01-13T16:19:00.000-08:002009-01-13T16:19:00.000-08:00What a great letter. I have a feeling that a lot o...What a great letter. I have a feeling that a lot of copying and pasting is taking place.Guera!https://www.blogger.com/profile/12616928404421960462noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-9287491025685912792009-01-13T12:48:00.000-08:002009-01-13T12:48:00.000-08:00I always used to tell my students that one of the ...I always used to tell my students that one of the most satisfying benefits of learning to write well is knowing that you can write a letter like this...one that makes your point clearly and eloquently and ensures you will be heard by the intended recipient. It is powerful; the whole "pen is mightier..." thing. It's sad that this casts a shadow on your thoughts about your first child's adoption, somewhat. I suppose the agency must be in financial straits, as I've heard many agencies are. In the past few months our agency, which had never advertised at all, began advertising for adoptive families and I have seen a huge change...when we were waiting there were only about 6 waiting families on the agency website (more who chose against a website) and now there are 12 (small agency). Advertising apparently works, but I agree with you that it is ethically questionable or unethical, depending on how it's done. By the way, thanks for stopping by my blog! I love your layout, especially the two columns on the right. Did you do that yourself or have a web designer do it for you?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-16800092332091750972009-01-13T02:36:00.000-08:002009-01-13T02:36:00.000-08:00Please see the link >http://about-orphans.blogs...Please see the link ><BR/><BR/>http://about-orphans.blogspot.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-36854426811307407562009-01-12T23:56:00.000-08:002009-01-12T23:56:00.000-08:00I totally agree about the grassroots networking. ...I totally agree about the grassroots networking. though I have to say, I've seen some professionals (agencies and lawyers) get quite protective over "leads." it's so sad that what should be the focus of good social work is in effect a business of sorts... <BR/><BR/>about the parent profile sites, you're right, we can't assume it is an informed decision. the way we were advised to handle incoming queries is to do an initial screening (questions) and then refer the person to our counselor. our counselor then connects with whoever the expectant mom is working with, to see what support and services she is receiving, and we go from there. but I am well aware it doesn't always work that way...<BR/><BR/>thanks for your response!lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15455301696832647867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-87300378095653710102009-01-12T23:41:00.000-08:002009-01-12T23:41:00.000-08:00@luna - It's true, there are no easy answers. And ...@<B>luna</B> - It's true, there are no easy answers. And I don't think it's easy to rank the choices we face when adopting from best to worst. There are too many variables. And your counselor sounds pretty great.<BR/><BR/>In general (as an aside to your aside), I prefer adoption agencies/professionals focus their networking efforts on their own peer group--other social workers/counselors/agencies/etc. who may be working with expectant parents in need of adoption services. That sort of local grassroots networking makes sense to me, letting other professionals know they are available as a resource.<BR/><BR/>As far as online profiles, I think what happens after a profile is viewed makes a big difference. Is an expectant mom directed to contact the waiting family directly? Or does she first contact an agency or counselor where they can back up a few steps before the emotions of a match get involved? Just because someone has taken it on themselves to browse profiles online after making an initial decision to place, doesn't mean it was an informed decision. I'd much rather have that decision processed before a waiting family gets their hopes up than after. You know?<BR/><BR/>Look, it's a book in response!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-64399025520233312872009-01-12T23:21:00.000-08:002009-01-12T23:21:00.000-08:00@natalie - Feel free to email me. I'm pretty sure ...@<B>natalie</B> - Feel free to email me. I'm pretty sure it was the same agency, different office.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-79697788383518182752009-01-12T22:20:00.000-08:002009-01-12T22:20:00.000-08:00I agree with the rest. This is a well written and...I agree with the rest. This is a well written and clear letter that expresses the frustrations we've been feeling. Great job.(A)Dadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17588510678936675395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-32331455780653979732009-01-12T22:01:00.000-08:002009-01-12T22:01:00.000-08:00Lots of good points in your letter, but the one th...Lots of good points in your letter, but the one that sticks out for me (from experience) is that openness does not make adoption painless - for anyone in the triad!<BR/><BR/>I'll be interested to hear the response (if any) you get.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-30804963195661273352009-01-12T18:18:00.000-08:002009-01-12T18:18:00.000-08:00Here's the thing: we need a place where we can nam...Here's the thing: we need a place where we can name names. I would SERIOUSLY caution anyone from using the agency we used in our last adoption and would encourage the agencies we used for our first two adoptions.<BR/><BR/>I would love to be able to put this info into the hands of parents who are looking...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-59861576900181949162009-01-12T17:17:00.000-08:002009-01-12T17:17:00.000-08:00I'm pretty sure we adopted through the same agency...I'm pretty sure we adopted through the same agency. I'd love to email you and find out if we did and compare experiences.<BR/>NatalieMamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09902613485399339619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-29322640244763308012009-01-12T17:10:00.000-08:002009-01-12T17:10:00.000-08:00Damn, that's a good letter. I especially like the...Damn, that's a good letter. I especially like the last line. We started our adoption process with a private agency that promoted open adoption, but the wait was so long, we decided to become foster parents while awaiting a private placement. After adopting our daughter from foster care, we let the agency know we weren't pursuing adoption any further. <BR/><BR/>I never paid much attention to their marketing, but you can bet I'm going to now. You wrote a very thought-provoking letter. I hope you will keep us posted on the response you get, if any.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-53149823498390680302009-01-12T16:34:00.000-08:002009-01-12T16:34:00.000-08:00I haven't been too concerned -- yet -- about our a...I haven't been too concerned -- yet -- about our agency's advertising practices, but man...we're not happy with them at all at the present time. We haven't even managed to adopt once yet, and I'm already thinking about needing to find a different agency if we adopt a second time.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-56710130840362382122009-01-12T16:11:00.000-08:002009-01-12T16:11:00.000-08:00Very good letter. It's great to have a practical e...Very good letter. It's great to have a practical example of how to behave in a situation like this. Now I need to click through your links to see if it's the same adoption ad I saw on tv one night -- the only one I'd ever seen -- that totally creeped me out.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-72333377539548448032009-01-12T15:35:00.000-08:002009-01-12T15:35:00.000-08:00That's a good letter.I worry about all of these th...That's a good letter.<BR/><BR/>I worry about all of these things constantly. I think my facilitator does things ethically -- I probed as best I could. But I can only go by what she tells me.<BR/><BR/>Everybody else seems worried about other things. I'm worried about how everybody supports birth parents.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12460332191706365559noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-24761907887235272362009-01-12T14:05:00.000-08:002009-01-12T14:05:00.000-08:00sorry for the book!sorry for the book!lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15455301696832647867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-73412392469854417022009-01-12T14:04:00.000-08:002009-01-12T14:04:00.000-08:00this is a really excellent letter, heather. I als...this is a really excellent letter, heather. I also hope they give a thoughtful response and that you will share it here.<BR/><BR/>as an aside:<BR/>one of the reasons we chose not to go through our agency's outreach program is because it was unclear how much they relied on aggressive marketing, and I think the post-placement support for mothers is generally lacking at most agencies. <BR/><BR/>we chose instead to work with a counselor (not a facilitator) who does no advertising and provides extensive support and counseling for expectant moms, including advising parenting if that is an option. she also insists that adoptive families allocate significant funding to support pre and post- placement independent counseling. <BR/><BR/>but this means that we have had to conduct our own outreach, an idea we initially found distasteful, but that we overcame once we realized our choices were within our control. unfortunately I think there is no great way to do outreach. we have to assume that a woman searching parent profile sites on the web is already considering placement and looking for the right family...lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15455301696832647867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-80625481265759385342009-01-12T13:54:00.000-08:002009-01-12T13:54:00.000-08:00What a well-written letter. Firm and too the poin...What a well-written letter. Firm and too the point. I hope they respond.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com