tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post7535429549934848877..comments2023-07-28T02:29:08.172-07:00Comments on Production, Not Reproduction | A blog about open adoption: Some More DetailHeatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05737780263679929983noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-7422781580090592862008-11-24T13:13:00.000-08:002008-11-24T13:13:00.000-08:00You certainly did have a great social worker and a...You certainly did have a great social worker and agency!<BR/><BR/>It was interesting to read that Ms. B saw your “ifs” as being hesitant about becoming Firefly’s parents rather than an attempt to make the adoption more ethical. I guess it would make you feel bad to think that the couple you have chosen as parents for your child is less than enthusiastic! I never thought of it this way. We were all “if” this and “if” that in our pre-placement meetings with our daughter’s birthmom and she would always talk about the adoption as if she had already made her decision (which I suppose she had). I was even hesitant about being too gushy in our first post-placement meetings or letter (lest I look like I was being braggy) until our social worker told us, “you don’t have to hold back you love for your daughter. [Birthmom] wants to watch you parent her child – that’s why she wants the open relationship!”Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-13543903391106503532008-11-22T17:38:00.000-08:002008-11-22T17:38:00.000-08:00Ditto the comments regarding your social worker. ...Ditto the comments regarding your social worker. She sounds like not only a very experienced professional but wise as well. I have loved reading your story.Guera!https://www.blogger.com/profile/12616928404421960462noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-28621735813215650572008-11-22T10:55:00.000-08:002008-11-22T10:55:00.000-08:00really interesting hearing about ms. b's concerns....really interesting hearing about ms. b's concerns. sounds like you had an incredible social worker to help navigate through those really hard issues and work through those emotions. I also think that's very rare. I know our agency would not really be capable of that, but I hope our consultant will, as her focus is very child-centered. <BR/><BR/>thanks for elaborating, heather.lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15455301696832647867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-46958251857614959882008-11-22T07:15:00.000-08:002008-11-22T07:15:00.000-08:00I think that you found a truly unique agency and s...I think that you found a truly unique agency and social worker. This is certainly NOT the experience that we're having. And here's what kills me: My husband and I are both mental health professionals, so I think we've been handling all of the interactions very well and always thinking about the ethics of the situation -- but what about other adoptive couples left to just "wing it?" I don't think we had any better options in our area, either. Well, maybe right now I do, because I'm furious with our agency (re: the other thing I told you about), but overall, they're probably on an even playing field with the other agencies, and we felt more comfortable with them because we knew someone working there. Everywhere else seemed completely impersonal. The further I get into this and the more that I know, the more horrified I am at the way things are run.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-52366778048085945972008-11-22T07:05:00.000-08:002008-11-22T07:05:00.000-08:00I think your SW deserves a big heaping pile of kud...I think your SW deserves a big heaping pile of kudos!!<BR/><BR/>I love that she gave you all homework and time to process.Kathy's Kornerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10736616768905799131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-12093020605892915142008-11-22T01:57:00.000-08:002008-11-22T01:57:00.000-08:00You know, what stands out to me most in these conv...You know, what stands out to me most in these conversations is the huge need for ethical, educated, skilled adoption professionals. Your social worker sounds so...balanced...unbiased. Contrasting her assistance in your adoption process with much of what I've seen and experienced, I would feel like your experience was somewhat rare.<BR/><BR/>I'd love to hear others' responses to your social worker's role. Perhaps in an agency that is really committed to facilitating open adoption, the social workers do a lot more work to have both parties actually interact in an honest and healthy way? It seems less "important", when you're not planning on engaging in a future relationship that requires the management of expectations and emotions. And let's face it, how many agencies are really working for the success of open adoptions? <BR/><BR/>You are keeping my attention over here, Heather! Thanks for the engaging discussion.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com