tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post7000444351766278131..comments2023-07-28T02:29:08.172-07:00Comments on Production, Not Reproduction | A blog about open adoption: The Missing PlayerHeatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05737780263679929983noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-40965274272883889022008-04-19T10:27:00.000-07:002008-04-19T10:27:00.000-07:00I wish I had some better insight. Six years later...I wish I had some better insight. Six years later, Girly's firstdad has never been found, and almost 2 years later, Baby's firstmom has named a few names, but although they have been notified, none of them has stepped forward. <BR/><BR/>When my daughters begin to understand biology, this is going to be a tough one. <BR/><BR/>I applaud your determination, though. Take heart that as many people grow older, life events tend to change how they feel about things like family...I'll be praying that he has a heart-change and approaches you someday, wanting a relationship with that beautiful baby girl. <BR/><BR/>Meanwhile, don't feel guilt about being angry with him for the time being. He has treated Ms B wrong, plain and simple. It's not a contradictory emotion to want what's best for your daughter while still feeling ambivalence for the man who won't or can't put her needs before himself.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-24754841339997426702008-04-18T20:14:00.000-07:002008-04-18T20:14:00.000-07:00No advice, just tears and thoughts from the other ...No advice, just tears and thoughts from the other side (although I hate to say "sides".) Cupcake's bdad is absent and I haven't seen him or spoken to him in over two years (mind you Cupcake is only 16 months old). I've put myself out there, jumped through hoops, and done everything I could do to work on the OA that I have at this point. And as much as I can logically understand the desire for Cupcake to know him, it's the hardest part of this OA for me...the part where I know that D is hoping to one day welcome him with open arms. And I selfishly get angry that he's stepping into a place that I established. That I worked so damn hard for. That he doesn't deserve it.<BR/><BR/>But Cupcake does, and that's what I'm learning to deal with. But it's hard. I so appreciate your perspective as I constantly work on understanding D's desire to encourage this man, who I have so many negative thoughts of, into their lives. <BR/><BR/>This is one of those times when I wish that logic could simply over-ride emotions...Thanksgivingmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17197025520582787254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-42080900574196181072008-04-18T13:01:00.000-07:002008-04-18T13:01:00.000-07:00No advice from me... Every family and situation i...No advice from me... Every family and situation is so different. In general I think being openminded and flexible is important, and also just being deliberate and thoughtful in relationships with first family.<BR/><BR/>We haven't talked much about other dads around here. The "unfairness" of Pumpkin knowing his first mom when Sparkle doesn't know his is hard for Sparkle. <BR/><BR/>I wonder how the boys will feel about their first dads, and how it will influence them as they become men and fathers themselves.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-58945861946971876632008-04-18T06:28:00.000-07:002008-04-18T06:28:00.000-07:00Both our children are missing their first father's...Both our children are missing their first father's in their life. For Bug, we only have a first name, a minimal physical description and a sketchy ethnic heritage. Her other MOm said he as nice to her. That is it. Not a picture, nothing else. And I know that someday, I already know, that who he is will matter ALOT to her and she's going to struggle with the not knowing. Alot. Sadly, I've have no feelings about him because he's never been a part of this. <BR/><BR/>And for Si, well, we met him, and we have pictures of that day, but he disappeared the day Si was born and at this point, there are circumstances that will keep him from being a part of Si's life for now, maybe for always. He's not a nice person. I'll just use my restraint at leave it at that. <BR/><BR/>We don't really talk about their other dads much right now. I don't know if it's right or wrong but it is what we are doing, establishing relationships the best we can (which are hard in and of themselves) with the people we know. I've lived with this long enough to know that if I let the anger about it all (it's so very complicated) get to me, I won't be able to work on any of it. So I set it aside for now, and we'll deal with it at another time. <BR/><BR/>I wish I knew what to say to move forward. All I know to do is to embrace what you know now and trust that if it will work itself out. And if it doesn't that you'll have the words to help your DD understand her life... <BR/><BR/>Many hugs... this stuff is so hard.Tammyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18045769392036053038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-53563087710507169792008-04-18T04:56:00.000-07:002008-04-18T04:56:00.000-07:00We also have no contact and extenuating circumstan...We also have no contact and extenuating circumstances that make contact -- at this point -- unlikely. (I'll share with you via email if you want to know more.) My frustration is that we believe that there are siblings out there, too, but none of us knows for sure. I hope it changes at some point but can't really imagine that either.Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04164833674841541784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-11798017523252149032008-04-18T04:23:00.000-07:002008-04-18T04:23:00.000-07:00We know nothing about the bees dad short of his na...We know nothing about the bees dad short of his name. And it sucks! The queen did manage to find a photo of him once, and that is what we have, one photo, a name, and the address he lived at when the bee was made. Other than that....<BR/><BR/>It is a little weird, the not knowing, but we have to deal with what it is! I hope that someday we CAN have a relationship with him, or at least some more information. He knows the agency we used, and could try and find us if he wanted to. So we'll see....Erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11942415229259955664noreply@blogger.com