Comments on Production, Not Reproduction | A blog about open adoption and home of Open Adoption Bloggers: Open Adoption Roundtable #14

Aprendi mucho

2010-03-11T11:50:16.754-08:00

Aprendi mucho

I do not have a blog, so I will share some of my t...

2010-03-09T01:22:19.971-08:00

I do not have a blog, so I will share some of my thoughts here. I haven't given this deep thought, as I just read the question right now, but would like to share. To me, success in open adoption means... a healthy adoption for the adoptee in which she feels loved by both of her families (that she was always loved, is loved, and always will be loved by them). It is viewing adoption in an inclusive sense, that an adoptee is a part of two families and they are both a part of her. That she has a bond with both families and feels comfortable with both of them, and that she is understood in having a bond with both, and doesn't have to feel uncomfortable about it with the other family. And that both families honor the other's role and value in their child's life, realizing and cherishing that they each are important to their child and because of that they can share attending special events together.

Having a healthy open adoption in this way takes strength and sacrifice on the part of both the birth family and adoptive family (because neither is the only family the child has), but I think will be a special gift to their child, whom they both love.

Kris A.
(Adoptee & Adoptive Mom
in an Open Adoption)

Moved by the complexity & diversity & thou...

2010-03-04T07:47:52.788-08:00

Moved by the complexity & diversity & thoughtfulness here.

I also chimed in responding to this question on my Standing in the Shadows blog:

Here's the link:

http://ow.ly/1e5LS

Success in an open adoption means to me that the a...

2010-03-04T07:17:26.725-08:00

Success in an open adoption means to me that the adoptive parents feel entitled to be the parents of their child, honor whatever contact agreement they have made with birth parents, speak comfortably and with respect about adoption and birth parents and answer questions honestly that children ask, and respect the relationship between birth parents and the child. For adoptees success means that the adoptee embraces an understanding of herself that incorporates both birth and adoptive family history/traits/strengths/
quirks, etc. and accepts herself for who she is, grieves the loss of birth parents in a healthy way and has a positive and healthy attachment to parents that the parents reciprocate. For birth parents, success means that they grieve their loss in a healthy way, respect the relationship between adoptive parents and the child, accept their child as a part of them and their adoptive parents and are willing to continue to work at developing a healthy relationship with their child.

C. Lynne Edwards, adoptee

http://meangirl2mommy.blogspot.com/2010/03/open-ad...

2010-03-03T17:18:39.735-08:00

http://meangirl2mommy.blogspot.com/2010/03/open-adoption-roundtable-14.html

First ever blog post typed with just one hand whil...

2010-03-03T07:11:21.602-08:00

First ever blog post typed with just one hand while holding sleepy baby :)

http://secretbmom.blogspot.com/2010/02/oart-13-s-u-c-c-e-s-s.html

http://thanksgivingmom.wordpress.com/2010/03/02/op...

2010-03-02T14:52:26.089-08:00

http://thanksgivingmom.wordpress.com/2010/03/02/open-adoption-roundtable-14-double-the-c-and-double-the-s/

http://heartshards.wordpress.com/2010/03/02/succes...

2010-03-02T14:14:24.793-08:00

http://heartshards.wordpress.com/2010/03/02/success/

I have never participated in these before. I defin...

2010-03-02T09:19:50.230-08:00

I have never participated in these before. I definitely plan on coming back and reading more of these! Thanks to SocialWrkr24/7's post I did a post that (I think) touched on this topic. Mine can be found here: http://ranchochico.blogspot.com/2010/03/corazons-mother.html.

Best,
Dia

I wrote one...and if i dont delete it yet again yo...

2010-03-01T20:26:08.218-08:00

I wrote one...and if i dont delete it yet again you can find it at
http://therapyisexpensive.wordpress.com/2010/03/01/open-adoption-roundtable-14/

Here's mine. http://canonlyimagine.blogspot.c...

2010-03-01T12:39:42.607-08:00

Here's mine. http://canonlyimagine.blogspot.com/2010/03/open-adoption-roundtable-secrets-of.html

Looking forward to readin!

@Regina/tobeafamily - Man, what a tough ...

2010-03-01T00:42:45.808-08:00
@Regina/tobeafamily - Man, what a tough thing for a kid to be working through. Have you thought about posting your question over at the Community Wisdom section of Open Adoption Support? I know there is more than one family there dealing with similar questions. It could be a good source of advice and support for you.

Very thought provoking question. My response will ...

2010-02-28T21:46:19.470-08:00
Very thought provoking question. My response will be up on Monday, March 1 at:
http://domestic-infant.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/open-adoption-roundtable-success

Okay, here's my contribution: http://www.eggdr...

2010-02-28T07:00:50.344-08:00
Okay, here's my contribution:
http://www.eggdroppost.com/2010/02/28/what-is-a-successful-open-adoption/

heres mine http://gettingitoffmymind.blogspot.com/...

2010-02-27T19:08:57.889-08:00
heres mine
http://gettingitoffmymind.blogspot.com/2010/02/open-adoption-roundtable-14-success-in.html

Here's mine: http://open.adoptionblogs.com/web...

2010-02-27T19:00:28.477-08:00
Here's mine: http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/open-adoption-roundtable-14—a-measure-of-success

I'm not entirely happy with it but I've been rewriting it for a few days & I don't know that I'm *ever* going to get it out the way it is in my head...

Hi All, so, I've been around the Adoption blog...

2010-02-27T16:21:12.419-08:00
Hi All, so, I've been around the Adoption blogs forever, some may remember me from a.com and other places. Been other places latey. OA with bfamily going well, hit an unexpected landmine with DS, and could really use some 'chat' with similarly situated/BTDT folks. DS is almost 8, placed voluntarily US adoption. DS has bbro 16 mos younger not placed. Grieving boy - he is an only with a brother who does not live with him. I didn't see this coming...not this hard or deep. Help? :)

Regina AKA Tobeafamily

Mine is up!! http://eyesopenedwider.blogspot.com/2...

2010-02-27T13:49:44.872-08:00
Mine is up!! http://eyesopenedwider.blogspot.com/2010/02/defining-success-in-adoption-even-from.html

Here's mine: http://todaysthedaytheygivebabie...

2010-02-27T06:40:41.891-08:00
Here's mine:

http://todaysthedaytheygivebabiesaway.blogspot.com/2010/02/open-adoption-roundtable-14.html

Restating my thoughts from your original post: I ...

2010-02-26T08:31:33.810-08:00
Restating my thoughts from your original post:

I suppose each triad will each define "success" in open adoption in their own way -- hopefully in conjunction with each other.

For us, it means that we each give the others permission to feel and express our feelings appropriately, even if those feelings aren't pretty. When the adults in the triad do this, we show our children how to do this for themselves -- a valuable life skill.

It means having boundaries set out of love rather than out of fear and/or insecurity. I think the more the parents (either a- or b-) resolve their own adoption issues, the less the child will have to deal with.

I think that one of the biggest gifts I can give my children is an acceptance and appreciation for the life they have, just the way it is.

I think successful open adoptions are handicapped by unethical agencies and professionals. Adoptive parents should know what ethics means to the first families and to the children, and patronize only ethical agencies/professionals.

And I think just knowing it can be done, in spite of the "spookiness" of the idea, is helpful to a-parents starting out.

Success requires the parents in an OA to see through the eyes of the others in the triad, and then conducting themselves compassionately.

Now I'm off to read some of the other entries.

here's my small contribution! http://eyeswide...

2010-02-25T15:13:59.075-08:00
here's my small contribution!

http://eyeswideopenmotherhood.blogspot.com/2010/02/oa-roundtable-success-in-open-adoption.html

http://aplusafamily.blogspot.com/2010/02/oa-roundt...

2010-02-25T11:54:19.960-08:00
http://aplusafamily.blogspot.com/2010/02/oa-roundtable-14-what-is-success-in.html

here's mine! -A

Hi, can't participate since we're still in...

2010-02-25T07:54:19.408-08:00
Hi, can't participate since we're still in waiting mode but I wanted to let you know I nominated you for a Beautiful Blogger Award! I'm learning so much from your blog.

http://bearclawmohawk.tumblr.com/post/410711001/op...

2010-02-24T22:51:03.946-08:00
http://bearclawmohawk.tumblr.com/post/410711001/open-adoption-roundtable-14

Jess, that was really well said. I do feel respon...

2010-02-24T20:05:23.796-08:00
Jess, that was really well said. I do feel responsible for DS's adoption being successful, while realizing that there are limits to how much I can control it.