tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post639252756340511055..comments2011-12-28T11:45:17.022-08:00Heather Schadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535502003333457420noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-36651328093158367612010-07-16T15:11:54.776-07:002010-07-16T15:11:54.776-07:00worst shirt I&#39;ve ever seen?<br /><br />http://www.zazzle.com/adopt_a_mutt_like_me_obama_infant_onesie_shirt-235827631936615122Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-82819395148957718252010-03-03T08:26:30.807-08:002010-03-03T08:26:30.807-08:00Thanks for the post... when I first saw this T shirt, I had a blah-to-neutral reaction. Granted, I am not a parent and spent my 20&#39;s doing donor egg cycles so I saw it through a different lens.... the other t-shirts, instant negative reaction to say the least.<br /><br />But as soon as I read your post, I 100% agreed with you. Thanks. I love it when someone can point out kindly and clearly flawed logic and help me understand different view points. Ta!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-40024846778725500512010-02-23T07:41:01.035-08:002010-02-23T07:41:01.035-08:00As a parent who does not have a place in the adoption community, I&#39;d like to add an outsider&#39;s perspective that may not be thought of by those &#39;in&#39; the community.<br />I have 3 kids, and I work with very troubled teens who are hoping to be better parents than those who so badly harmed their souls and psyches.<br />This shirt would go over as an *affirmation* to these teens.<br />They need to know that they are NOT locked into the cycle they hope to break.<br />It wasn&#39;t until I saw your post that I realized that one version of this shirt is marketed to adoptive parents, and might be insulting to birth parents in that context.<br />I hope that if you see someone you don&#39;t know wearing this that you consider that perhaps they are coming from a very different place.Kithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09077773456241834195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-78737211174858241322010-02-22T23:14:28.124-08:002010-02-22T23:14:28.124-08:00I would read the shirt differently if I didn&#39;t know it was about adoption. To me it says that parenting your kids, loving your kids, is more important than genes, like in the case of Chicken&#39;s bio father. He sees him once a year, rarely calls, and doesn&#39;t know him in my opinion. But he&#39;s his &quot;Father&quot;? (This is not an adoption situation but one of divorce and an asshole, negligent father.) I am sorry that I am rambling on tonight!Samhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06066499436533594138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-4634936629018660412010-02-22T21:38:47.696-08:002010-02-22T21:38:47.696-08:00I think that everyone has made some excellent points. I&#39;m a birthmom and I think that there are a TON of shirts that are awful that I could never bring myself to wear. I would be really upset if my birthdaughter&#39;s mom was wearing the Parenthood shirt, or the Motherhood one for that matter.<br /><br />I think the unfortunate thing about a t-shirt is you only have a few words to make a statement and it&#39;s usually something fairly bold. But that small statement leaves so much unsaid. <br /><br />The only t-shirt that I will ever wear that talks about my children (I have 2 older children that I am parenting) or the fact that I&#39;m a mother of any sort is one that says, &quot;My kids rock&quot;. Short, sweet, to the point and wonderfully appropriate for birthparents and adoptive parents.<br /><br />Because even though I&#39;m not parenting my little Ladybug, she DOES rock!Jennihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10406927075733073454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-78857125205201316132010-02-17T13:55:06.395-08:002010-02-17T13:55:06.395-08:00As a birth mom, I find this shirt is a little annoying, but in the end, it&#39;s just a shirt with some words on it.<br /><br />Honestly I personally don&#39;t like it when people use their bodies to tell people something. <br />I mean...I just don&#39;t think it is neccessary or useful.<br /><br />If people have to carry a message about something that affects their families(like adoption)I would rather they tattoo it on their bodies.<br />At least that would be a constant reminder for everyone and they would probably think a little harder about the kind of message they wanted to send...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-33186288008324271982010-02-16T16:26:15.846-08:002010-02-16T16:26:15.846-08:00I wrote a while back about the &quot;adoption is the new pregnant&quot; shirt and I think I&#39;m glad I was away from cyberland for a few days so that I didn&#39;t think about this one all weekend....<br /><br />And this:<br /><br />&quot;And before an adoptive parent buys it, I think they need to answer the question, &quot;Would you wear this in front of your child&#39;s birth parents?&quot; And if the answer is no, why would you wear it at all?&quot;<br /><br />I think this is a really great point.thanksgivingmomhttp://thanksgivingmom.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-74497295512014092972010-02-15T10:36:01.012-08:002010-02-15T10:36:01.012-08:00I have a different take on the shirts. Personally, as a adoptee, I would have been really uncomfortable with my mom walking around wearing a shirt that announced me as an adopted child. That just feels icky to me. Like she picked me out of a catalog or something. Maybe I&#39;m weird. Oh who am I kidding, I know I&#39;m weird.<br /><br />As an adoptive mom, I think adoption is an amazing thing and we&#39;re blessed to have our two boys. But I would never wear any of those shirts. My son is 9 and he&#39;s a really cool kid who is unique and happy with who he is. I asked him about some of these shirts and he had a very good simple point. He asked me if I would also buy a shirt that said something about our biological children. No I wouldn&#39;t so why would I buy a shirt that talks about his adoption?Snarky Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03923756033470645692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-12463619607012223152010-02-14T15:37:26.449-08:002010-02-14T15:37:26.449-08:00Why do people use t-shirts to say things they probably wouldn&#39;t have the guts to utter out loud? It&#39;s the newest form of passive-aggression.Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15410002407855752531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-79086717109569852702010-02-14T08:11:42.630-08:002010-02-14T08:11:42.630-08:00&quot;if you&#39;re not willing to have stretch marks in order to be a parent, maybe you shouldn&#39;t be one&quot;<br /><br />I think it&#39;s stupid because even those of us who have biological children sometimes don&#39;t get stretch marks. *shrug*<br /><br />Just a lot of stupid shirts on that site.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-87757682346332760822010-02-13T19:27:33.990-08:002010-02-13T19:27:33.990-08:00I&#39;m new to adoptive parenting and find your blog very real. I am horrified to see such remarks about adoption on tshirts. Doesn&#39;t anyone think of how our children feel about the things we could be wearing. I have a closed adoption due to safety issues but wish my son had the opportunity to know his nature and hopefully one day he will. Thanks for your great posts. Keep &#39;em comingDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06166424557568684244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-61585046063384458502010-02-11T22:56:35.201-08:002010-02-11T22:56:35.201-08:00Yes Heather :~)<br /><br />its widespreadhope@gmail.com<br /><br />or <br /><br />http://thekaleidoscopechronicles.blogspot.com/<br /><br />Thanks!!<br />xxxooo<br />KrisKristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07334881879650914173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-80053314050674426582010-02-11T13:34:49.495-08:002010-02-11T13:34:49.495-08:00Hello! I&#39;m a long-time reader, first-time commenter :) So I, too, didn&#39;t take immediate offense to the Parenthood t-shirt - I think perhaps because it&#39;s not as blatently ignorant as the Fatherhood or Motherhood t&#39;s. Really?? Fatherhood doesn&#39;t require DNA? Um, I&#39;m not a biology major, but I&#39;m pretty sure it did... and the Motherhood one, dear goodness! That&#39;s one of the snotty &quot;are you really asking me this?&quot; remarks I give to ignorant people who want to know why my husband and I &quot;don&#39;t try to have our own children first&quot; - as if somehow conceiving a child biologically would be better for us AND implying that an adoptive child isn&#39;t &quot;our own&quot;Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-77996786038414842032010-02-11T10:07:51.973-08:002010-02-11T10:07:51.973-08:00When I saw these in passing I read them as a comment on the effort it takes to be a parent, and as something for biological parents who are parenting, but who want their hard work acknowledged. They do seem weird in the context of adoption (same as Barely Sane).<br /><br />I actually don&#39;t mind the DNA one as much (though obviously it requires both), I guess because stepfathers are even less acknowledged than adoptive OR birth parents and if it read something like &quot;I didn&#39;t provide the DNA but I do provide love&quot; then I&#39;d think it was appropriate for a stepfather.DrSpousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07259337858075146058noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-36002182806223989432010-02-11T09:46:58.120-08:002010-02-11T09:46:58.120-08:00My first reaction to the shirt wasn&#39;t all that negative because I thought it really could be a generally worn shirt and not necessarily specifically adoption related.<br /><br />The DNA one, not so much. And then I linked to the site and my stomach lurched: MOTHERHOOD, no stretch marks required.<br /><br />That&#39;s not cool and I can safely say I would never wear the shirt - EVER.Barely Sanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13264676811698784334noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-11753605804658005352010-02-10T23:13:28.260-08:002010-02-10T23:13:28.260-08:00<i>@<b>rredhead</b> - Although, just to press the point a bit, my daughter&#39;s birth dad has not nurtured her thus far in her life. At all. In fact he&#39;s gone out of his way to do the opposite. But I don&#39;t deny his parenthood, nor would I deny her right to say she&#39;s his daughter.<br /><br />And he&#39;d still be one of her fathers even if he didn&#39;t know she existed.<br /><br />I don&#39;t mind us confidently responding to those who deny that adoptive parents are totally parents, too. But this is the wrong way to go about it, IMO.<br /><br />Now, off to read your post!</i>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05737780263679929983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-40662131804340855932010-02-10T22:52:30.225-08:002010-02-10T22:52:30.225-08:00I&#39;m going to add one more voice to Kendra&#39;s minority. I see Heather&#39;s point, but I, too, see it as about more than just adoption. <br /><br />I actually don&#39;t think it excludes birth parents. Though they may not be actively parenting, they still nurture their children. <br /><br />The shirt is defensive, but adoptive parents get a lot of &quot;natural&quot; parents, &quot;real&quot; parents, and so on, so I think it&#39;s understandable that we would get defensive sometimes.<br /><br />I actually wrote a blog post about adoption-themed t-shirts, <br />http://transracial.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/wearing-adoption-on-your-shirtrredheadhttp://rredhead.livejournal.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-42213765223303055892010-02-10T19:30:37.781-08:002010-02-10T19:30:37.781-08:00I think that almost all adoption related shirts are just wrong. In fact, I have yet to see a good one. No matter what you put on it someone is going to be upset.pinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-3807383403012754702010-02-10T19:10:59.438-08:002010-02-10T19:10:59.438-08:00<i>@<b>Kendra</b> - Right, but then the shirt still excludes birth parents from parenthood because they aren&#39;t DOING the parenting. Which is my whole beef with the text, you know?<br /><br />Thanks for speaking up, though. It&#39;s not easy to be the lone voice! :)</i>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05737780263679929983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-8724555815415092652010-02-10T18:40:07.942-08:002010-02-10T18:40:07.942-08:00Most of the adoption-themed t-shirts really annoy me, too, but (and I&#39;m clearly in the minority here) the one you featured in this entry really doesn&#39;t. I still don&#39;t think I&#39;d WEAR it, but I really see that message as being much broader than just about adoption. I think that&#39;s true for any sort of parent. My first impression of it was: it doesn&#39;t matter if you&#39;re the biological parent or adoptive parent or someone else raising a child, it&#39;s what you DO as a parent that matters. But, like I said, I&#39;m in the minority...Kendranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-7412275844964915042010-02-10T16:50:06.363-08:002010-02-10T16:50:06.363-08:00OMgoodness... I&#39;m have postop foggy brain right now. I&#39;ve looked at my previous response and for the life of me can&#39;t remember what else I was going to say! ...blush... <br /> <br />okay, maybe it was something like... this is one of the many ways I see insecurity in motherhood coming out in some of us adoptive moms, or even worse, defensiveness, as if to say, biology really doesn&#39;t matter that much. I COULD HAVE (not!) done it without her, when in fact, there comes a time when we have to admit (and most of us here do) that adoption is not at all like giving birth and we have to grieve that if in fact, it was a big deal and to me, anyone who wants to wear a shirt that states that nurture is the only thing that matters really still has some deep issues to work through.<br /><br />I&#39;ll be the first one to admit that I am struggling right now with the end of my fertility (as miniscule as it was) as I heal from a hysterectomy. I would never say that I am at peace with never giving birth, or right now, I&#39;m not there. HOWEVER, I am VERY much at peace with how my children came to me, and the fact that I am a mother only because another mother made a choice for adoption. And that by their very being, nature and who they are &quot;in spite of me&quot; is firm reality, and I better get used to the fact ~ and I am ~ my kiddos are only who they are at the core (would this be nature?) because another mother gave life to them. I would not have a job of nurture if it weren&#39;t for her. And that&#39;s that. <br /><br />Ok there. Guess I did have a thought to finish after all. I might just have to blog about it sometime.Tammyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18045769392036053038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-89652548095729532932010-02-10T14:53:13.459-08:002010-02-10T14:53:13.459-08:00<i><b>@Kristina</b> - First, you&#39;re too kind. Second, I&#39;m so sorry this happened. Is there a way I can email you?</i>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05737780263679929983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-16296828899459512592010-02-10T14:44:29.743-08:002010-02-10T14:44:29.743-08:00<i>@<b>Jamie</b> - I think that falls more into the twee category. I personally wouldn&#39;t get all ranty about a shirt like that. :)<br /><br />@<b>Tammy</b> - You left us hanging! And you always have such good things to say! &quot;Or&quot; what?!? ;)<br /><br />@<b>susiebook</b> - That was the vibe I got from the shirts, too--a bunch of a-parents standing around high-fiving each other or something. It&#39;s not a freaking competition, people. We can be confident in our parenthood without treating it like a zero-sum game with first parents.</i>Heatherhttp://www.productionnotreproduction.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-9917086403450714672010-02-10T14:26:20.848-08:002010-02-10T14:26:20.848-08:00<i>@<b>A</b> - That is a good roundtable topic idea! I&#39;ll have to ponder a way to word it that&#39;s not just from the a-parent perspective...<br /><br />@<b>Hilary</b> - Thanks!<br /><br />@<b>Mia</b> - I know, they&#39;re all pretty bad. I always wonder who buys these things. Someone must, right? I mean, they keep selling them all over the internet.<br /><br />@<b>mama2roo</b> - Touche!</i>Heatherhttp://www.productionnotreproduction.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-7567184350783288112010-02-10T13:34:00.631-08:002010-02-10T13:34:00.631-08:00This is one of those that leaves my sighing and rubbing my forehead. Why not &quot;I Got the Kid, I Clearly Win&quot;? Not an awesome sentiment.susiebookhttp://susiebook.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.com