tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post6365866926434766169..comments2011-09-22T19:47:56.201-07:00Heather Schadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17535502003333457420noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-86975667803153779862011-09-21T05:35:42.676-07:002011-09-21T05:35:42.676-07:00Came across this post randomly but had to say just HOW fantastic I think it is.Claudiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09352341442556433375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-36129846980359429042008-02-15T13:02:00.000-08:002008-02-15T13:02:00.000-08:00Thank forwriting this post. I personaly felt the verysame way about the movie. I loved it and LOVED JG in it but I felt something missing from the movie.<BR/><BR/>I felt the Juno'spain was missing becuase I have yet to meet a first parent who has siad that it was easy.Who said it wans't hard and that they didn't cry. <BR/><BR/>A long time ago I came across a video on youtube where a first mom was saying good bye to her child. As her family sat idely by watching her cry and scream in emotional pain she said good bye. It is to this day is the most true piece of human emotion I have ever seen.<BR/><BR/>It is also what society seems to ignore: That on the day adoptive mothers recive lifes greatest gift, another mother's heart is breaking.<BR/><BR/>I know you and your readers know this even better than I do. Thank you for shining the light on such an important issue.Ariellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03968292999660422771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-37619278707581793162008-02-14T12:37:00.000-08:002008-02-14T12:37:00.000-08:00I very much agree with your discussion about parenthood being (and not being) deserved, but I completely disagree with you about the movie. I agree with you about that line from the magazine, but I thought the movie itself was great.<BR/><BR/>You said "The storyline is designed to appeal to our sense of what is right and fair... In the logic of the story, then, Vanessa deserves the baby and Juno does not."<BR/><BR/>I didn't take that away from the movie at all. I felt that the movie did an excellent job of portraying the complexities of emotion and circumstance on two sides of the triad. I didn't feel that Vanessa was glorified at all, rather I think that she was somewhat exposed. Her longing to be a mother was palpable, yet she wasn't completely likeable as a character. I think if they had portrayed her as wonderful and Juno as less than...but they didn't.<BR/><BR/>I don't think that Juno's lack of a "maternal glowing" connection to her baby indicated a lack of attachment. Each person experiences pregnancy differently and copes with loss differently. <BR/><BR/>I guess I should go write my own blog post, but while I agree that adoptive parents don't deserve any mother's child, I feel like the movie was an excellent portrayal of the messy thing that is domestic infant adoption.Kohanawww.growingfamily.typepad.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-31881436499667983502008-02-12T07:54:00.000-08:002008-02-12T07:54:00.000-08:00Love the post. I can't speak for the movie, I haven't seen it yet, but I think there are parents that may appear better equipped to have kids than others but I highly doubt there is one parent that has properly (as if such a thing exists in parenthood) addressed every situation that comes with raising a child. Talking about deservedness, though, I'd be concerned about who was setting up the system and how it was calculated. Is it enough to want the baby to call you "deserving"? Would it eventually boil down to those with money are more deserving than those without?christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16120883583219857456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-25571101860633024642008-02-11T19:09:00.000-08:002008-02-11T19:09:00.000-08:00This is the best review of Juno that I've seen.Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-32059616097148045752008-02-11T13:54:00.000-08:002008-02-11T13:54:00.000-08:00<B>Andrea</B>, thanks for your comment. I agree with you. Every parent needs to prove themselves, whether they became a parent by birth or adoption. People who abuse don't deserve to parent, period. I doubt anyone would disagree with that. And I don't have a problem with saying many infertile people would make wonderful parents and deserve that opportunity, <I>in general</I>. My point is that those two things have nothing to do with each other. Even if there were no infertile people in the world, an abuser wouldn't deserve to parent. And vice versa.<BR/><BR/>The nuance I was trying to tease out was the difference between talking about "deserving" in the abstract and turning adoption into a ranking of who deserved a particular baby more, the birth parent or the adoptive parent. It's <I>comparison</I> and <I>specificity</I> that makes me uncomfortable.<BR/><BR/>The key for me is not making it a competition between an e-parent and a prospective a-parent. It shouldn't be about whether Vanessa deserved the baby and Juno didn't, or whether I deserve Ms B's baby more than she does. Our fitness to raise the child should be judged independently from the other's. <BR/><BR/>I know first-hand how hard it is to feel like you're being assessed and judged and scrutinized as a potential parent while watching other people fail their children in significant ways. And I've struggled at times with the differences between K's prenatal choices and what I like to think mine would have been. I just know, personally, how destructive those feelings can be when I wallow in them or apply them to specific people.<BR/><BR/>It's unfair that some people want to get pregnant and can't, while others don't want to get pregnant but do. But Ms B placing her child with us isn't going to even out some cosmic score. I think the <I>Juno</I> storyline suggests that it does.Heather.PNRhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05737780263679929983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-16322241401365412992008-02-11T12:50:00.000-08:002008-02-11T12:50:00.000-08:00I'm sorry but I agree and disagree. Some people DO deserve a child and some DON”T deserve one. I have seen too many friends of mine trying to conceive only to read about an abandon baby found in a dumpster; or a woman ( with five kids or more) who, out of frustration, injures or kills one of them.<BR/><BR/> I do think it's very, very hard on potential parent to sit and be judged “deserving" or "worthy" by expectant parents to raise their child. It also must be hard NOT to think a mother who took drugs or alcohol when pregnancy, deserve to be a parent. <BR/><BR/>What I am trying to say is, just because one can give birth to a child does not mean they are deserving, worthy or even the best person to raise the child.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00583491847538240133noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-21500753215043446362008-02-11T12:41:00.000-08:002008-02-11T12:41:00.000-08:00I'm sorry but I agree and disagree. Some people DO deserve a child and some DON”T deserve one. I have seen too many friends of mine trying to conceive only to read about an abandon baby found in a dumpster; or a woman ( with five kids or more) who, out of frustration, injures or kills one of them.<BR/><BR/> I do think it's very, very hard on potential parent to sit and be judged “deserving" or "worthy" by expectant parents to raise their child. It also must be hard NOT to think a mother who took drugs or alcohol when pregnancy, deserve to be a parent. <BR/><BR/>What I am trying to say is, just because one can give birth to a child does not mean they are deserving, worthy or even the best person to raise the child.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00583491847538240133noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-7097977361191798802008-02-10T16:39:00.000-08:002008-02-10T16:39:00.000-08:00This is a great post. <BR/>I haven't seen Juno yet. I really think I should just to be an informed participant in what is, quite surprisingly to me, becoming a national conversation, if one sorely lacking in complexity. (Without seeing it, but reading spoilers, I wondered in some juvenille/utopic way why Juno and Garner's character didn't coparent).abebechhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827016743055256735noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-50049351883570333382008-02-09T10:24:00.000-08:002008-02-09T10:24:00.000-08:00Nice, thoughtful post. Oh, how the word "deserve" irks me so. Well done.<BR/><BR/>As for the movie, I finally saw it, albeit hesitation and butterflies in my stomach. A friend asked me to go with her. I second Call Me Mama's thoughts -- I am sure I was the only adoptive mom in the room -- and every laugh in the audience was accompanied by a group of young women/girls commenting how "cool" Juno was, how "funny" she was. Broke my heart in myriad ways.Gretchen aka mamagigihttp://mamagigi.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-66950751463936000862008-02-08T23:56:00.000-08:002008-02-08T23:56:00.000-08:00Recently saw the movie. I'm sure my husband and I were the only adoptive parents in the room. When everyone else was laughing, I was weeping.call me mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08758693905580023014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-83812112378939529832008-02-08T12:24:00.000-08:002008-02-08T12:24:00.000-08:00Thanks, <B>Thanksgivingmom.</B><BR/><BR/><B>Clementine</B>, when I read it my first thought was, "I wonder if Clementine saw this!"<BR/><BR/><B>Munchin's Mom</B>, weren't you interviewed for an article about <I>Juno</I>? Has it come out yet? I hope the reporter really took in your words.Heather.PNRhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05737780263679929983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-38773051357841228982008-02-08T10:41:00.000-08:002008-02-08T10:41:00.000-08:00Mmhmm. Your post is so absolutely on spot that I don't have anything to add to it. <BR/><BR/>My beef, however, is still with the movie in general. Obviously, as we can see by the line in EW, the general public is now viewing birth mothers as undeserving, etc. It did nothing to promote an already stereotyped group of women/mothers in a positive manner. And I'm just so tired of this crap. :(Munchkin's Momhttp://stopdropandblog.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-31150946591283397332008-02-08T10:29:00.000-08:002008-02-08T10:29:00.000-08:00I saw that line in the EW as well. It made me angry. I like your comments about envy in this post; I struggled with that myself when we were waiting to become parents.Clementinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15009377987342028425noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-76217091269258387232008-02-08T08:53:00.000-08:002008-02-08T08:53:00.000-08:00Love this post!Thankgsivingmomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17197025520582787254noreply@blogger.com