Comments on Production, Not Reproduction | A blog about open adoption and home of Open Adoption Bloggers: Open Adoption Roundtable #16

Took me a place I'd never been. I don't ge...

2010-06-04T20:06:02.690-07:00

Took me a place I'd never been. I don't get to say that often enough!

http://mamacandtheboys.com/2010/06/04/future-sammy-on-being-in-an-open-adoption/

Really made me think on this one. http://alwaysandforeverfamily.blogspot.com/2010/06/i-can-only-imagine.html

Here you go! http://thanksgivingmom.wordpress.com...

2010-06-02T16:37:04.660-07:00

Here you go!

http://thanksgivingmom.wordpress.com/2010/06/02/open-adoption-roundtable-16-meet-future-cupcake/

Here's mine, as wacked out and incoherent as a...

2010-06-02T08:53:29.503-07:00

Here's mine, as wacked out and incoherent as always:
http://spyderkl.net/2010/06/02/what-would-she-say/

Letters from my children, 2031: http://weebleswob...

2010-06-01T06:58:30.434-07:00

Letters from my children, 2031:

http://weebleswobblog.com/2010/06/open-adoption-what-i-hope-children-say.html

Great prompt! (glad the choir started singing, too)

My hopes: http://todaysthedaytheygivebabiesaway.b...

2010-06-01T03:27:43.313-07:00

My hopes:

http://todaysthedaytheygivebabiesaway.blogspot.com/2010/06/open-adoption-roundtable-16.html

"When Maya Looks Back" My thoughts on t...

2010-06-01T00:24:17.654-07:00

"When Maya Looks Back"

My thoughts on the matter, from a foster care adoption situation.

http://fourgardnersandme.blogspot.com/2010/05/when-maya-looks-back.html

My contribution: http://domestic-infant.adoptionbl...

2010-05-31T22:49:35.141-07:00

My contribution:
http://domestic-infant.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/open-adoption-roundtable-grown-up-jack

http://virtualworldtourjess.blogspot.com/2010/05/o...

2010-05-31T19:42:36.526-07:00

http://virtualworldtourjess.blogspot.com/2010/05/open-adoption-round-table-16.html

My first time joining! http://ourveryownstarstuff....

2010-05-31T18:33:30.968-07:00

My first time joining! http://ourveryownstarstuff.blogspot.com/2010/05/open-adoption-roundtable-16.html

Goin' up in the morning! http://susiebook.word...

2010-05-30T23:26:00.605-07:00

Goin' up in the morning! http://susiebook.wordpress.com/2010/05/31/open-adoption-roundtable-16/

I finally published my OAR http://therapyisexpensi...

2010-05-30T09:05:18.090-07:00

I finally published my OAR http://therapyisexpensive.wordpress.com/2010/05/30/open-adoption-roundtable-16/

@Ginger - I couldn't find your post ...

2010-05-29T10:21:10.290-07:00
@Ginger - I couldn't find your post over at your blog. :( let me know if you decide to repost it!

Just finished mine, it's my first time to part...

2010-05-28T19:39:24.949-07:00
Just finished mine, it's my first time to participate!

Here's mine: http://aplusafamily.blogspot.com...

2010-05-28T10:24:38.696-07:00
Here's mine:

http://aplusafamily.blogspot.com/2010/05/belonging.html

I need to do some final spell checking but it shou...

2010-05-28T06:17:51.123-07:00
I need to do some final spell checking but it should post in a few minutes with most of the typos removed...

http://heartshards.wordpress.com/2010/05/28/oar-16/

I think that's a really interesting question! ...

2010-05-27T21:28:47.894-07:00
I think that's a really interesting question! I was inspired to write on my blog, but I keep it private to family so I'm just pasting the relevant bit here. Hope that's OK...

I hope he will look blankly at people who ask him when he was told he was adopted, or if he wants to search for his birthparents. I hope it’ll just be as straightforward as knowing he’s a boy, or that he has brown eyes. I hope he’ll say he doesn’t need to search because he knows M’s phone number, email address, or is her friend on Facebook. I hope he’ll take it for granted that he has four parents. I hope he’ll think we respect and care about M (his birthmom), empathise with her decision not to parent him, and the appreciate the consequences of that decision for her. I hope he’ll feel able to attribute his unique mix of talents, interests, quirks and habits to us or his birthfamilies without feeling that he is betraying either. I hope that he will have been able to ask without fear if he wanted to contact M, and that we treated his request with the same respect that we would if he asked to call any other family member, and help him fulfil that request. Likewise, if he wanted to try and trace his birthfather I hope he’ll feel that we helped him as much as was appropriate for his age.

Realistically, though, we are his parents. We’ll have certain beliefs about what is appropriate for him at certain ages. Maybe sometimes those won’t mesh with what he thinks he is capable of (isn’t that virtually guaranteed in growing up?!). I suppose, in the end, I hope that integrity, honest and sensitivity will have seen us through.

I might actually be the first commenter!! shocking...

2010-05-27T16:56:53.137-07:00
I might actually be the first commenter!! shocking!!

Sorry...
I don't really blog right now so I am going to go ahead and leave my 'thoughts' here.

I actually imagine what my son would say about being in an open adoption often. I have imaginary conversations with what I imagine as a 'grown-up' version of my son.

Being that I am not as involved in my son life as I wish I was, being that his adoptive parents have decided that me being a part their 'real' life is inappropriate for the simple reason that my prescence would bring attention to the fact that they adopted.

That being said, I think that if I asked my imaginary *adult* son about his 'open adoption' he would say something like "Cindy and Jacob come a visit sometimes,
and I guess they're OK. They gave my some nice stuff for my birthday. My mom and dad say that I have to visit with them, so I do."

Now, what do I *hope* he says about me?? It would be amazing if he said something like "Cindy is really pretty, and she always knows lots of neat stuff!!" or something like that...

I hope that my son can be very articulate and vocal and be able to tell anyone he knows all about the basics of who I am and who his first father is.

I have learned many adopted persons who do not know the basics of their first parents struggle with the answers to things like "why are your eyes so blue" and such. I hope that at least my son will be able to answer such simple cursity with confidence. Even if that's the only thing that this open adoption gives him.

I don't really know how to 'support' the relationship my son has with his adoptive parents, other to respect their parenting decisions and such. Just as I do with other family member, like my sister.