Comments on Production, Not Reproduction | A blog about open adoption and home of Open Adoption Bloggers: In Praise of Extended Visits

@Flicka - Our contact so far with Firefly&#...

2009-12-30T21:05:44.294-08:00

@Flicka - Our contact so far with Firefly's paternal side of the family has all been done with an agency counselor involved. We're slowly inching forward, and hopefully there will be more trust over time, but we definitely won't be doing any overnights together in the near future that I can see. It sucks, but it's just kind of the reality of the situation. I think we just have to find the positive elements where we can, hold on to those, and figure out how to have some sort of realistic hopes for the future.

I'm really sorry, for Sam and for you, that things have been so hard. Hopefully this is just the beginning of a story that will have a much different ending.

I wish my adoption was in a healthy enough place t...

2009-12-30T17:00:29.289-08:00

I wish my adoption was in a healthy enough place to allow this for Sam because I think he'd get a lot out of an extended visit. His family is in such a state of breakdown right now that we haven't had even a short visit. We attempted several times and got stood up, got lied to by someone (not sure which party at this point) and everyone has disintegrated to the point that they're so unstable, we wouldn't do anything without a social worker present. It makes me so sad. I'd love to have with our bio family what you guys have. Maybe one day?

I agree about the extended visits for many of the ...

2009-12-25T20:43:06.222-08:00

I agree about the extended visits for many of the reasons you mention. except for a weekend away with both of our daughter's first parents, we've only really done extended visits with her first mom. she has an open invitation to stay with us.

I think if we ever get to that point with her bio dad, we will take it slow as we are still working to establish appropriate boundaries with him.

I can see how this wouldn't work for everyone though.

I was so sure that you had to be working with grea...

2009-12-23T22:04:17.687-08:00

I was so sure that you had to be working with greater distances than we were. Huh. I'm going to blog about this tomorrow, since once I started talking it went on a bit. ;)

Mallory leaves in 24 hours for a 10 day visit with...

2009-12-23T21:40:00.163-08:00

Mallory leaves in 24 hours for a 10 day visit with her first mom's family. I love extended visits. I love that she has them without us, so she is free to figure out what she is feeling, thinking, etc. without feeling like she is under a microscope.

We started having her visit on her own when she was 12. It went so well that I started my son doing the same thing at 6.

I just wanted to drop in and say that I really en...

2009-12-23T12:44:33.320-08:00

I just wanted to drop in and say that I really enjoyed this post but I don't have any thing to add because we are not there yet. This definitely gave me something to think about and I like the notion incorporating self-care for all involved.

My son and his family live on the opposite coast [...

2009-12-23T08:33:45.075-08:00

My son and his family live on the opposite coast [the fact that people actually live on that coast on purpose is another dicussion for another time :)]

Being that we are so far appart when we have visits they are extended (A week to ten days), however they are very infrequent because of the expense involved in traveling that distance.

I love my extended visits. I love staying at their house. Watching him play out back with his friends. Sitting with the entire family relaxing watching a movie before mom and dad read each boy a bedtime story.

But I do wonder if it would be better for him if I was there in person more frequently even if those visits were quite a bit shorter.

~KatjaMichelle