tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post3213677490655800111..comments2023-07-28T02:29:08.172-07:00Comments on Production, Not Reproduction | A blog about open adoption: Meet the Two RebekahsHeatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05737780263679929983noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-76282967429149892732011-03-21T10:17:23.627-07:002011-03-21T10:17:23.627-07:00This thread is going in circles and has sunk to sn...<i>This thread is going in circles and has sunk to sniping and potshots at certain points, so I'm going to go ahead and close it to further comments.<br /><br />Many thanks again to Rebekah and Rebekah for taking the time to do this interview.</i>Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05737780263679929983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-91108097764383629552011-03-21T08:34:11.924-07:002011-03-21T08:34:11.924-07:00I'm a birthmom and I've been reading both ...I'm a birthmom and I've been reading both blogs for a long time and here is my take on the situations. I feel as though Sailing my way through Rebekah made a hasty decision. She said in her blog somewhere that she wanted no reminder of Ty's birthdad in her life sadly I think that is how this whole idea came about. I really hope that Ty never learns of this because i believe he will have a really hard time with this. As a birthmom I think that at some point Rebekah may have had second thoughts but being a people pleaser she wanted Heart Cries Rebekah the "pretty, popular girl" who she wouldn't have been friends with in high school to like her and be her friend so she went through with it. Now Heart Cries Rebekah has no choice but to be her friend.<br /><br />Heart Cries Rebekah comes off to be as very self centered and selfish. I find it to be so odd how she is the one commenting on the other Rebekah's family dynamics as if she is the one living them. Rebekah lost two of her children due to placing Ty, she admitted that they were struggling with his placement and elected to go live with their father. How are we all wrong and off base? You got your baby and your perfect little family which in turn destroyed another and you can have your little open adoption fairytale til the end of time but the facts remain Rebekah. Just because an adoption is open doesn't mean there will be no pain and no scars and no trauma. Trust me, I will have emotional scars that will last me until my last days on earth and I too have an open adoption.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-46923038124649241812011-03-19T22:11:00.109-07:002011-03-19T22:11:00.109-07:00Melrose, you seem like such a nice person. No m...Melrose, you seem like such a nice person. No more posting from me. I think I made my points, I am not judging others just the situation. I already said I liked both women and felt they had good intentions. But Birthmom Rebekah and her kids DO have real issues because of this adoption that they will be working on for life. It does help tremendously I think that Adoptive Mom Rebekah is so committed to open adoption and that both Rebekahs have a genuine loving relationship with each other. I wish both families well on their respective journeys. Now, off to parent my children and live my own life.<br />RachelAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-1202640751459515352011-03-19T20:07:48.031-07:002011-03-19T20:07:48.031-07:00Rachel perhaps you should spend your time parentin...Rachel perhaps you should spend your time parenting your own children or living your own life instead of judging others.Melrosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08439670225934244188noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-43680653097590351942011-03-19T09:36:02.296-07:002011-03-19T09:36:02.296-07:00OK, My only point was that Birth Mom Rebekah is an...OK, My only point was that Birth Mom Rebekah is and was a great Mom and would have been to Ty as well. The fact that she doubted herself in matters of time and finances no doubt contributed to her decision to relinquish. With some support I believe she would have been quite successful with all five kids. She is indeed selfless when it comes to her children, and that is why I believe she could have done it. She has never been long between jobs and was able to successfully parent her other children. Ty lost as much as he gained by being adopted. Adoption is supposed to be for children whose parents cannot parent them. I do not believe this was the case here. As for Ty's sister, how can you minimize her loss? She will live with it forever. I lost a sibling and I still hurt over this every day. You may rationalize that they may have a relationship one day but the truth is that it may never happen. That baby does not know her, has seen her only once, and indeed will not even be brought up to refer to her as "sister". Very sad!<br />RachelAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-43821872910207913322011-03-18T22:02:02.275-07:002011-03-18T22:02:02.275-07:00You anons should be ashamed of yourselves. I do no...You anons should be ashamed of yourselves. I do not know either Rebekah personally but have been a reader since before Ty was born. I read as Rebekah struggled to even feed her family as she couldn't keep jobs and struggled to even have time to parent the children she had. Would she have been an amazing parent to Ty? Of course! Because she loved him, but that does not change the fact that she wasn't sure if she would EVER have a job enough to meet his needs. She was babysitting at the time to feed her family and that job was falling through. When you're in a situation where you don't know if you'll ever get out and you have to think of the children who already depend on you, Rebekah had the courage to love Ty to the fullest and meet his needs so that she could continue to meet her other children's needs. You two women are amazing. You are courageous and Ty is the most blessed little boy ever. As for the daughter, she too will come to know the full extent of her mother's love when she grows up and is able to think of someone besides herself. (I don't say that in a bad way but as a teen one is not able to know what it means to love someone enough to make such sacrifices.)Melrosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08439670225934244188noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-1864366436564053802011-03-16T11:27:46.678-07:002011-03-16T11:27:46.678-07:00I've followed both blogs for a long time now. ...I've followed both blogs for a long time now. I agree with Kim, the only people who benefited from this adoption are Rebekah and Ben. Little Ty would have been just as loved and cared for by his birth family. (Birth Mom)Rebekah's family would still be together, all her children spared the pain that this adoption caused. She decided on this adoption early on in a crisis pregnancy and once the other Rebekah was contacted, there was no turning back. She is a self professed "people pleaser" and would not have wanted to hurt the adoptive parents. Although I like both women and feel that they both have good intentions, this was an adoption that did not need to happen. Little Ty would have had a wonderful life with his mother and siblings. I am happy that adoptive Mom Rebekah is now looking into foster care adoptions where the children available really need loving families like hers. <br />RachelAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-25133053260205785772011-03-14T14:01:55.356-07:002011-03-14T14:01:55.356-07:00Thanks for this interview, Heather. I also want t...Thanks for this interview, Heather. I also want to thank you for the interviews in general. I am truly enjoying reading each one. My adoption-related blog reading has expanded as a result and this is a very good thing. <br /><br />Rebekahs: thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for opening up despite the negative commenters who will try to bring you down. I applaud your courage.Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14591016025566097464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-20445544546802572462011-03-14T13:26:48.550-07:002011-03-14T13:26:48.550-07:00Kim, you made your point earlier.<i><b>Kim</b>, you made your point earlier.</i>Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05737780263679929983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-31902576880265704472011-03-14T08:00:30.241-07:002011-03-14T08:00:30.241-07:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Kimnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-29137635371237579872011-03-13T07:56:12.542-07:002011-03-13T07:56:12.542-07:00I applaud both of the Rebekah's for their pers...I applaud both of the Rebekah's for their personal strength of character in this adoption process and the way in which they go forward in their relationship. Placing Ty's needs first above anyone else's needs of him was sacrificial on everyones part. That's what makes this relationship between the two Rebekah's so extraordinary. Thanks for sharing this!Kayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04199239034212280881noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-52952917358784331692011-03-12T17:36:11.611-08:002011-03-12T17:36:11.611-08:00I agree with Kim. Although Ty is in a very happy ...I agree with Kim. Although Ty is in a very happy family it did break the heart of another child who is at such a fragile time in her life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-52506797058519056122011-03-12T14:21:21.578-08:002011-03-12T14:21:21.578-08:00@Kim - It's true, the questions I sent to them...<i>@<b>Kim</b> - It's true, the questions I sent to them didn't delve into Rebekah's reasons for placing her son or how his adoption affected the rest of her family. The interview was specifically about how blogging has influenced Rebekah and Rebekah's relationship.<br /><br />@<b>Anonymous</b> and @<b>Kim</b> and @future visitors to this post - I've never really moderated comments and I definitely don't expect every reader to agree with every post, with me, or each other. That said, I'm not sure that using this comment section to (a) debate the merits of a specific adoption or (b) tell other commenters that the feelings they've expressed are inappropriate is going to do any good. I'd like to respectfully ask that we not head down that road.</i>Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05737780263679929983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-29618842513599779772011-03-12T13:28:16.123-08:002011-03-12T13:28:16.123-08:00Heather, thank you for allowing us to share more o...Heather, thank you for allowing us to share more of our story and perspective with this community. If adoption must happen, open is the way to go - and I'll cheerlead that until the end of time.<br /><br />No need to go into Web-Wars, here, but Kim's comment couldn't be further off-base.Rebekahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11920816691217676013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-48269165179279348462011-03-12T13:02:24.654-08:002011-03-12T13:02:24.654-08:00I have silently read both Rebekahs' blogs now ...I have silently read both Rebekahs' blogs now for a long time, never commenting. But the previous comment has compelled me to speak out... Whether or not you agree with the situations which brought about, or resulted from, Ty's adoption, how can you be sorry that it happened? Being sorry that it happened is to be sorry for the (amazing) parents that Rebekah and Ben have become and to be sorry for the person who Ty himself is becoming. I find that totally unjustifiable.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-2566237941992682822011-03-12T12:25:30.328-08:002011-03-12T12:25:30.328-08:00You fail to mention how this adoption broke the he...You fail to mention how this adoption broke the heart of that baby's older sister who left soon after to live with other family. I don't know if she will ever get over this loss.<br /><br />That child did not need to be adopted, his mother is old enough to parent him. I do not see this adoption as a good thing. I am so sorry it happened and keep the natural mother in my thoughts.Kimnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-35849553722222250452011-03-11T15:19:45.689-08:002011-03-11T15:19:45.689-08:00Wild to imagine that a blog (s) brought you both t...Wild to imagine that a blog (s) brought you both together. Powerful stories. So many layers. Thank you all for putting this story/ stories out in the world.Mama C/Catherinehttp://mamacandtheboys.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-2661332849952551332011-03-11T10:25:36.016-08:002011-03-11T10:25:36.016-08:00I have loved reading both of their blogs since the...I have loved reading both of their blogs since they were matched together! As always, their answers here reflect their genuineness and selflessness. Great interview!!!Lauriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07502259594425550745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-81017483065717841202011-03-11T06:15:49.482-08:002011-03-11T06:15:49.482-08:00As always, you ladies are my heros. You live what...As always, you ladies are my heros. You live what how God intended for all of us to show His love to the world. You are both selfless, with your priorities in order. I love how you love each other. You two are AWESOME!LisaAnnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06436140358037471855noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19220163.post-81680372534136243082011-03-10T15:10:49.938-08:002011-03-10T15:10:49.938-08:00WOW. THAT is amazing. Each situation out there is ...WOW. THAT is amazing. Each situation out there is so unique but I think one thing remains true for everyone. Giving birth to a baby and placing him or her for adoption is unbearbly painful even when it's the right thing for the birthmom. Accepting the fullness of what it means to parent this child though adoption is also very painful and rewarding. It deepens everyone in profound ways.harriet glynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17223388139583386938noreply@blogger.com